


The edge of dawn

by Subaruchan192



Series: A fool's dream [2]
Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Akechi Goro Lives, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Character Development, Developing Relationship, Domestic Boyfriends, Domestic Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Getting Back Together, M/M, Moving In Together, Normal Life, Persona 5: The Royal Spoilers, Post Persona 5: The Royal, Romantic Angst, Romantic Fluff, Romantic Soulmates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:01:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 22,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23841937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Subaruchan192/pseuds/Subaruchan192
Summary: [Persona 5: The Royal Spoilers]A year after the victory over Maruki, Ren returns to Tokyo to spend the summer with Goro and his friends, before the seriousness of life begins. He is looking forward to it, but he knows that everyday life would be just as challenging for him and his boyfriend as infiltrating a palace. Goro still has to learn, what the word love actually means.Or: This story takes place after the true ending of Persona 5: The royal and explores the everyday life of Ren Amamiya and Goro Akechi as they live together.Sequel to “Light and shadow caught in a dream” , but can be read as a stand-alone. This will likely turn into explicit later. Tags and characters will update along the way.
Relationships: Akechi Goro & Persona 5 Protagonist, Akechi Goro/Amamiya Ren, Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira
Series: A fool's dream [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1717999
Comments: 37
Kudos: 68





	1. Rise of a new dawn

**Author's Note:**

> So, after finishing “[Light and shadow caught in a dream](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23668243/chapters/56816629)” I couldn't quite stop thinking about, how Ren's and Goro's relationship would develop and how they would master the everyday life together, so I decided to write a sequel, which is going to explore this. =)
> 
> I hope you enjoy it =)

“Next stop: Tokyo Main Station. We thank you for travelling with us and wish you a wonderful day.”, a mechanical, but friendly voice announced form the speaker above Ren’s head as the train slowed down.

“Man, finally. My limbs are all dead.”, Morgana said as he stretched on the seat beside Ren and then sat up. “What a long journey.”

A long journey indeed, Ren thought as he removed the headphones from his ears and turned off the music of his smartphone.

With a soft smile, he looked out of the window and saw the well-known skyline of Tokyo passing by, while the train entered the main station. Ever since he had left Tokyo a year ago, he hadn’t been able to come back. It hadn’t been easy to be apart from the people he loved most and the feeling of loneliness had filled his heart quite a lot of times, but now, this time of probation was over. Ren, Goro, Ryuji, Ann and Yusuke had graduated and before the seriousness of life would begin, they all had decided to meet up in Tokyo again to enjoy their last summer together, before they would be scattered all over the country to work for their future.

Ren couldn’t wait to see his friends again, but more than anything else he was looking forward to see Goro again. Going right into a long-distance relationship had been quite an ordeal for their young love, but they had made it through, because of many messages and long phone calls until the sun almost rose again.

A smooth, tiny judder ran through the train as it stopped on its track. Ren gathered his two suitcases from the compartment above his head, while Morgana hid himself in the shoulder bag again.

The air was surprisingly fresh and clear according to Tokyo’s standards as the door of the train opened with a quiet _swoosh_ and Ren stepped onto the platform. One would expect that the main station of Tokyo would be a building as futuristic as the rest of the metropole, but it was quite the opposite. It was a red brick building with white ornaments, which reminded of those ancient buildings in Europe Ren had read about in his History textbook.

This time Ren didn’t have to look long for Goro. As diverse and colourful as Tokyo was, Goro Akechi stood out everywhere with his beautiful, brown locks, the gorgeous physique and elegant clothes. Ren smiled warmly, when he spotted him. He still wore his tan peacoat and black trousers, but he had left the gloves behind. It was reassuring to see that Goro hadn’t changed over the past year, though he appeared calmer, more one with himself than before. The anger boiling deep inside of him had disappeared out and calmness suited him even better.

A warm smile spread over Goro’s face, when he saw him and he walked up to him. The moment they reached each other, their hearts reconnected and the strength of their emotions pulsed like a shock wave over the platform. A few, sensitive people turned around to them, irritated by the strong energy that emitted from them, but none of them cared. They only had eyes for each other.

For a few moments, they only gazed into each other’s eyes, longing to refamiliarize each other with every fibre of the fire and the storm, which were their eye colours. With every passing moment the happy gleam in their eyes became brighter and the smiles on their faces wider, before they fell into each other’s arms, while they laughed from sheer relief and happiness. Tenderly, they snuggled their heads against each other and their hands ran through their hair as their lips naturally found each other for a gentle, warm kiss.

“Welcome to your new home, Ren.”, Goro said with that flashy smile, which appeared to have become his genuine one as they dissolved and this time, Goro took Ren’s face into his hands. His fingers were soft and warm as they caressed his cheeks, thumbs brushing over Ren’s lips.

“Thank you.” The smile of Ren became even softer and he placed a brief, but tender kiss to Goro’s fingers, causing him to giggle, because the touch of the lips tickled. Due to wearing gloves all the time, his fingertips were rather sensitive.

But within the chuckle also rested a little sniffle, because Ren’s happiness still surprised him. Yes, he had been happy and moved, when they had found each other here again a year ago, but Goro had put it down to the relief that he was alive and yet, Ren was still as happy as back then to see him and even though he felt just the same, he didn’t know how to handle all of the emotions swirling inside of him.

“Goro?”, Ren asked concerned, his brows furrowed, because he hadn’t missed it of course. “Is everything alright?”

Sometimes, Goro hated how perceptive he was even though it had saved his life in many ways. Everyone he had met so far had never cared to look at him, to see the three dimensional being in him. The two-dimensional portrayal of the Detective Prince or the culprit had been enough for them and Goro had accepted that no one truly cared for another person. Even when he had been a child no one had heard his cries for help or love. No one had cared for him, especially not those who were supposed to and Goro had accepted this bitter taste of humanity.

He didn’t remember how many times he had laughed about the irony of finding the first person, who cared for him in the lines of the enemy and it had made him hate Ren. How gruesome was it of fate to put his only friend on the other side of the battlefield? He had condemned it for putting him in front of the choice to whether get his revenge, which had been his life goal for so many years, or to reach out to what he had longed for all of his life.

In the end, Goro had to admit that destiny hadn’t been as gruesome as he had thought back then. It had given him a way out of his hatred. It had given him a rescuing line in form of Ren, before he had been completely swallowed by the darkness. He had been just too blind to recognize it.

He was grateful that Ren hadn’t given up on him even when he had dived into the circle of hell, gave himself into the burning fire of hatred. In the end, his persistence had saved his life. Goro wasn’t such a fool not to know this. Even if he had succeeded in achieving his revenge, he would have been lost afterwards. He wouldn’t have known what to do with his life. To kill his father, to make him suffer had been the sense of his life ever since that poisoned seed of hate had been planted into him and when it had fully blossomed and carried its fruits, no one could have saved him. It couldn’t be ruled out that he would have gone completely psychotic afterwards and would have unleashed his hatred onto the entire humanity. He would have become a tyrant in a kingdom, which no one could conquer, because it was hidden in a realm no one knew about.

“Hey…”, Ren’s smooth, deep voice reached out to him, when he was about to drown in his own darkness and he stroked a lonely tear away. “Goro, what’s wrong?”

Ren’s concern felt warm and kind like a childhood blanket, which wrapped comfortingly around his shoulders. Goro looked up, his sight blurred from more tears and he hated himself for ruining their reunion like this. This here was supposed to be a happy occasion to be back together after a year apart and yet he stood here with tears streaming down his face.

“It’s nothing.”, he said quickly as he wiped them away, a little aggressiveness against the prove of his emotionality resting inside of it. In an old instinct, he put on his perfect, artificial mask again to reassure his boyfriend. He hadn’t even done so consciously. It was an old reflex and it was difficult to get rid of old habits.

“Come here.” That reaction was all the answer that Ren needed. Without even wasting a single thought about the other people around them, Ren wrapped his arms around him, pulling him into a comforting embrace, which almost shattered all the composure Goro had left.

“I…I’m so sorry…”, Goro whispered, while his hand clenched into Ren’s black jacket, his lean figure shivering against him. “I have no idea, where this is coming from. This isn’t how I…”

His voice broke away into hiccups from the heaviness of his emotions and he sniffed again.

“Shhh…”, Ren said soothingly, rocking him slightly. “It’s alright, my love. No need to apologize.”

Goro pulled back just enough to look into Ren’s calm, comforting eyes, while his own were blown wide.

“How…how did you call me?”, he stammered.

“My love.”, Ren repeated without any doubts or hesitation as he traced his fingers over his jawline. The endearment echoed over and over through Goro’s mind and his heart began to race. How did he deserve this? How did he deserve to be loved that much? He had worn a shiny disguise, but he had been one of the ugliest persons in the world. At least that was what he thought of himself and the more he fell in love with Ren, the happier he became, the more he began to despise his previous actions, but Ren saw something different, when he looked at him. Something beautiful, admirable and loveable. There was no other explanation for the tender expression with which he looked at him. Goro wished he would be able to see it himself.

“You’re too good to me, Ren.”, he declared with a huff, but a small, soft smile on his lips as he looked back up.

“No.” Calm, deep eyes of black looked at him as Ren shook his head and stroked a strand of his brown hair behind his ear. “I’m giving you, what you would have deserved ever since you were born.”

Kindness shouldn’t feel this unused and overwhelming, but for Goro it did. The back of his mind still expected any kind of punishment for his vulnerability. Showing a weak spot always had consequences and other took advantage of it. That was what Goro had learned, but Ren had always been different.

There was a sound of rummage coming from Ren’s bag, which tore the two out of their silent communication through gestures. The fabric bulged on different spots as something, or rather someone, moved inside of it. Ren frowned and moved the bag between them so that no passenger would see it. It didn’t take long until Morgana’s head appeared out of it and to their surprise, he had a package of tissues in his mouth, which he held out to Goro.

Goro blinked in surprise, not really able to grasp, what was happening, but when Morgana tilted his head even more upwards, it was clear what he was intending. For a short moment, the former detective still felt overwhelmed by the kind gesture of the cat, but then he smiled softly.

“Thank you, Morgana.”, he whispered and sounded more touched than he would have ever admitted under normal circumstances as he took it from him and wiped his tears away. “I must look so foolish right now. How pathetic. I’m sorry.”

“Goro…” Ren interrupted his trail of despise with his deep, calming voice as he rested a hand on the crown of his head and began to rub soothing, calming circles on his scalp.

“There’s nothing foolish about emotions.”, Morgana said friendly as he crossed his legs on the surface of the bag and rested his head on them. “And especially nothing pathetic.”

Uncertain, Goro turned to Ren, looking for an answer and Ren nodded in confirmation. Somehow that felt much more relieving than he ever considered it would. The tension of alertness faded out of his body and he slumped slightly against Ren, who immediately wrapped a protective arm around him.

“There is no such thing than a wrong or right emotion.”, the former leader of the Phantom Thieves murmured into his hair, his warm breath tickling his scalp. “They’re there and therefore, they’re justified.”

“Guess I still have a lot to learn.” A deep sigh escaped him as he ruffled through his long hair and for a moment, there was the flicker of the question, why Ren kept bothering with him, but he didn’t want to think about this question, now. Not when the feeling it provided felt so pleasant.

“And that’s fine.” Ren smiled softly. Gently, he tilted Goro’s head up and placed a soft, comforting kiss onto his lips, sending his thoughts flying. The red eyes fluttered shut and he blushed, when he felt the warmth of Ren’s emotions being transport into him by their shared bond.

It was quite astonishing, but with every movement of their lips Goro appeared find his smile back and the happiness he had expected to feel because of Ren’s return finally spread through.

“What do you think, my love?”, Ren whispered tenderly as he dissolved and snuggled his head into Goro’s brown hair. “Shall we go home?”

 _Home_. Goro’s heart skipped a beat about how wonderful it sounded. He owned a small, but adequate flat in the heart of Shibuya, but it never felt like home to him. It was a place, where he slept, but he had absolutely no emotional attachment. He had learned not to get too used to a place too much. He would have to leave it soon anyway. Despite that Goro wouldn’t even know how home was supposed to feel like, but the moment Ren spoke it out, future visions of them living together flashed in front of his inner eye and warmth spread through him. Actually, he couldn’t wait for them to make his flat their home.

A smile rose from the depths of his body. A smile softer and more loving than he had ever smiled before and nothing about it was artificial.

“Yes, let’s.”

~*~

Ren had only been in his flat for an hour, but Goro was already enjoying it. For years, he had preferred to be on his own and he would have expected that having someone in his most intimate, personal space would have bothered it, but that wasn’t the case. Actually, he grew accustomed to it quite quickly as he noticed while he was sitting on the bar of his kitchen counter, holding a cup of freshly brewed coffee in his hands, while Ren cooked a curry for the both of them. He smiled softly, when he saw how his boyfriend stirred in a huge pot full of ingredients, which emitted a lovely, heady scent.

In this moment, Goro noticed how clinical and monotone his life had been, even though it absolutely wasn’t. He might have lived in this flat for almost five years, but it could have been anyone else’s. It could have been a stock photograph for a furniture catalogue. Just like everything else in life, his flat had been nothing but a tool. He had never cooked in here, because he absolutely didn’t know how to. Nothing had destroyed the picture of perfection, which he apparently had wanted to keep up even in the place no one ever was going to see. Or so he had thought.

Now, the fruity, herb scent of curry and coffee danced through the air, making his flat actually feel like a home and Goro just enjoyed to watch, how someone else was moving naturally in his last fortress.

As if he had sensed his thoughts, Ren rested the ladle against the brim of the pot and turned around to him, wiping his hands on the white apron he was wearing and Goro found it adorable. It was a sight he had always enjoyed, though he had put it to another reason. The few times he had sit in LeBlanc like this, watching how Ren had helped out Sojiro, he had thought he found the sight amusing, because of ironic it was. The great leader of the Phantom Thieves, who changed the world piece by piece, doing such utterly ordinary things. But now, Goro saw another appeal to it. A more cosy, comfortable appeal and for a moment, the thought of how good it felt to be home crossed his mind.

“Is it truly fine for you that I moved in?”, Ren asked as he rested his lower arms on the dark working counter of his kitchen. Goro blinked in surprise and sat up straighter on his stool, a sudden panic wrenching his stomach. Ren really shouldn’t throw him off track that easily, but all of this was still so new and unknown that Goro took every word and action with a pinch of salt, afraid that it would end any minute now. Like all the few, good things in his life, which he could count on one hand, had come to an end way too early and abruptly.

“Don’t you want to live here?”, he asked with a thin voice and he almost looked shy as he gazed up. “We could change the furniture, if you don’t feel comfortable. We could…”

He would do everything so that Ren would stay. Ren, the only good thing in his life, which had stayed with him no matter how ugly and awful he had been and it made Goro terribly afraid that as soon as he let go off him, he might wake up from the dream or illusion or whatever this here was and would be left where he had been, but this time with a broken heart, because this here felt too good to be true. Too good for him to deserve any of this and therefore, it had to crumble sooner or later.

Morgana, who had been lying on the bar next to Goro, lifted his head and exchanged a long gaze with Ren.

“Man, I’m so tired.”, he announced then and arched his back. “I’m going to take a nap on the couch. Call me, when the curry is ready.”

With that, he jumped elegantly down the bar and left for the furthest corner of the living room, where he rolled himself together on the edge of the couch, his tail resting over his snout. Goro and Ren looked after him for a moment, knowing exactly, what the cat had done.

“Goro…”, Ren’s deep voice called out to him softly and pulled him back. Slowly, he turned around with an uneasy feeling inside his stomach. He really didn’t feel eager to see, what kind of tired, exhausted impression was going to rest inside Ren’s dark eyes. It was something that always happened. It appeared that just something of his true self was going to chase people away sooner or later. Even would grow tired of him at one point, stopping his attempts of…of whatever this here was.

Goro was just too blind and too tarnished to see that someone genuinely cared. Not just one, several people had come to like him and if he was honest, it scared him, because he couldn’t understand why and he didn’t know how to behave to keep it that way. He still believed he had to do something to return the favour as if this was any kind of a distorted trade.

The serious expression on Ren’s face stung his heart, when their eyes met and for the first time, he wasn’t able to read his poker face. All he could see was that Ren was thinking thoroughly about something, but he couldn’t figure out what it was.

Not that his mind was able to really gather a clear thought. All he could think of was a silent, ever repeating prayer for Ren not to go. Not to turn around and leave him all alone again. Goro felt shabby in this moment. Pathetic and weak. Everything he had despised for all of his life.

He didn’t notice that this was what beginning to trust somebody meant. To allow this side to show, to accept it to share it. _Not to hide anymore_. Trust wasn’t always nice and comfy. Sometimes, trust hurt and you had to accept this pain and endure it under the eyes of others.

Voices whispered to him. Voices he had thought had been Loki, but Loki was gone just as much as the comforting words of Robin Hood. Apparently, he had to realize, those were the words humanity had subconsciously whispered into his mind. Words saying, he wasn’t worth it. That he was a horrible person. That he was a traitor. The he didn’t deserve this kindness and especially not this love. All Goro wanted to do was to hurl himself together and scream, until he didn’t have to hear them anymore.

Ren’s hand came to rest on top of his and tore him out of the dark words flashing in front of his eyes. Goro’s head jerked up in a mixture of alert and fear and his furious heartbeat fell away the moment he saw the softness and concern in Ren’s eyes.

“I want to stay here. I want to live with you.”, Ren assured right away and his hand squeezed Goro’s comfortingly.

“Then why did you…”, he couldn’t finish the question and looked up, unaware that the tired, exhausted expression now rested in _his_ eyes. Ren only smiled compassionately at him and took a step closer.

“You’ve been alone all of your life.”, Ren began to explain and Goro winced.

“I know.” Yes, he knew. He was _painfully_ aware of it. He averted his gaze and starred stubbornly onto the marble freckles in the working counter. Suddenly, Ren was next to him and Goro wondered, how he had missed the loss of weight on his hand. Ren placed a hand on his jaw, a tender thumb brushing against the bone, easing the muscles, making Goro aware that he had clenched his jaw.

Ren’s eyes carried so much concern as he tilted his head back up. Earlier, Goro would have thought of it as pity, but this here looked different, felt different. It was warmer, softer, rawer. Goro almost couldn’t stand it. All of him screamed to run, hide or attack, but his body did nothing of it. Instead, he wanted, begged that Ren would kiss him to scatter the darkness with the light of their bond, but he knew how foolish he was and that Ren wouldn’t do it. A kiss couldn’t solve everything. _Shouldn’t_ solve everything.

“Therefore, suddenly having someone in your most private place could feel overwhelming.”, Ren continued as his hands slid along Goro’s jaw, coming to rest underneath his ears to hold and support his head. “You don’t have to take me in, if this is too fast for you or if it does make you feel uncomfortable. I could stay in LeBlanc again and stay over every now and again, giving you the chance to grow accustomed to it. I know all of this is insomuch unknown and likely unsettling for you and I don’t want to rush things. We can take this your pace.”

Ren waited. Goro didn’t know for what. His eyes only hang on him, silence stretching out, filling his entire apartment, while the gaze of the black eyes shredded off layer after layer. The former leader of the Phantom Thieves never had spoken much. He hadn’t needed to. When others needed thousands of words, Ren only needed a fraction or none at all.

“How ironic.” At one point, Goro couldn’t stand his well-known, old companion any longer and he just had to break it somehow. He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. A huff escaped him, which cleared the room from the tension pulsating between them, as he rested his head into Ren’s warm, comforting hand. “And I just thought, how much I enjoy having you here.”

The tender caressing of Ren’s thumb stopped and surprise flashed over his face. Like this wasn’t the answer Ren had expected to his explanation.

“You do?”, he asked and it sounded a little shallow, almost breathless.

“Yes.” Goro nodded in affirmation. He might feel a little scared about all these unknown emotions inside of him and definitely overwhelmed, but when he had woken up in the hospital room and a passing-by, blue butterfly- which he suspected had been Lavenza- had restored his memories of Maruki’s illusion, he had promised himself that he would be honest with Ren from now on. Lies had destroyed too much for them. “I’d never expected domesticity to feel this pleasant. That’s I’d enjoy having you here and to watch, how you cook something for me.”

For a moment, his voice trailed off and he rested his free hand onto his heart, his fingers slightly clenching into the white fabric of his shirt.

“It feels soft and warm. Lovely, actually, and it scares me, but on the other hand, I realize I’ve been missing this exactly for all my life.” He sighed deeply and let go of his shirt to wave helplessly through the air as if he could catch the words, he wasn’t able to find.

Ren still stayed silent, waiting if there was more, he wanted to add, but his eyes encouraged him to go on, to explore this unknown part of his soul, which had been hidden in the depth for so long. A part of Goro was still afraid to go there, because whenever he tended to look into it, it could have been his doom, would have made the wrong person, would have offered a weak spot or would have distracted him from his complot, but now, he was free of all this and Ren’s calm eyes gave him the feeling of safety that he wanted to work this out. He wanted to take the risk, to condemn his control mania and experience, what had been taken away of him.

“That sight reminded of the few times I was in LeBlanc and I remembered, how much I had enjoyed these moments.”

“Because you had been yourself, then.”, Ren mused. “Because that was the only place you could let your guard slip a little.”

“I guess so.”, Goro agreed, though he never had truly thought about, why had behaved like that in that café. Probably, because he had been afraid to find that as his answer. His breast heaved from another sigh and he slumped a little. Ren stepped closer and wrapped a supporting arm around his waist to hold him uptight, while his left hand still made sure that Goro wouldn’t dodge this conversation by averting his eyes. There was no pressure in it, no pushing, but it was silent request he didn’t have to express. Goro might have tried to fool them, had hid behind his mask of friendliness and charm, but none of them both could deny how their subconscious had always communicated in all honesty. Goro just never cared to listen to it, while Ren had.

Oh, how much he wished, he would have been brave enough to listen. To look inward and hadn’t pushed the twinges of his heart aside as an abnormality. How much of time they had wasted. How much of this feeling of inner peace and finally arriving had slipped past him, because he had been stubbornly buried in the darkness, allowing the chains to wrap themselves around his wrist and held him captive.

How long had he believed that this was strength? How long had he lived in the darkness thinking he was superior, because he had cut loose of every emotional bond? How proud had he been of himself that he allowed nothing to distract him.

But he hadn’t calculated Ren in. Ren, who showed him that emotional involvement doesn’t necessarily ended in weakness and tragedy. He cared deeply for his friends, always put them first and it had only made him stronger. Oh, when Goro had realized it, it had made him furious with envy, cold hatred wrenching his guts, because it had been so utterly unfair. He had thought that Ren had got it all, while he had nothing.

If only he would have looked closer to notice that Ren hadn’t been playing a game. That he had been reaching out to him, trying to get hold on him, before he had been drowned for ever, but Goro had been so distorted in his way of thinking that he had taken it as a trick, a move of them. His mind had defeated his heart, who had felt Ren’s true intention all along.

He reached out and stroked a strand of the long, raven coloured strands out of the beautiful face. A tender smile played around his lips and Goro wouldn’t have guessed before, that loving smiles were smaller as the ones he had used. That there was something as a too bright kind of smile. But how could he have known such a thing? When he had never seen such kind of expression before?

“I love you.”, he whispered and the words floated between them like a feather dancing in a summer breeze. “I still don’t understand exactly what this includes to all extent, but this I know for sure.”

“Goro…” A breath hitched inside of Ren’s chest and his blew wide. A little smirk of pride twitched around Goro’s lips, feeling a smug satisfaction tingling in his veins.

“Why do you sound so surprised?”, he teased in his typical light, amused tone and his eyes sparkled in mischief, which appeared suddenly, but felt right in this situation. It was an assurance that their old dynamic, which they had treasured that much, hadn’t been lost or replaced.

It truly had irritated him at the beginning, how much he had enjoyed her quips despite the danger, which had been hanging above their heads like Damocles’ sword. Goro had rarely met someone, who had been as quick in thinking as he had been and to counter his jokes and teases. In those moments, mostly taking place in LeBlanc, he had felt oddly alive. Not in the twisted way as hurting and killing someone. Not with fury hot as lava, but rather with a comfortable warmth, which spread from his solar plexus.

“It’s not like the first time I told you that. Not even the first time I said it with confidence.” Despite his smugness, his curiosity won. He was eager to know, what exactly had caused this beautiful expression on Ren’s face, because it was an expression, which enthralled him and he wanted _more_.

“I know.” Ren had found his composure back and tilted his head in this irresistible, charming way, a soft smile playing around his lips. “But this time you accepted the vulnerability that comes along with it.”

Goro blinked. He hadn’t thought that far. It had simply spoken out of him from a place he hadn’t discovered yet. Once again, Ren had surpassed him and for once in his life, it didn’t bother him anymore. He was tired of bothering. To take every blow and defeat personally, to vanish in the darkness of his grief and disgrace and surrender himself to the grudge. He saw no sense in it anymore. He wanted to let it go.

“My heart flutters like a bird trying to fly for the first time.”, Goro whispered as he took the hand, which still steadied him and rested it on his heart. His heart indeed jumped rather than it beat and it felt truly wonderful. Goro closed his eyes, focusing on the bond pulsing between them and how the tenderness they both had carried inside their hearts for so long wrapped around them like an embrace.

When Goro left every doubt aside, which tried to pull him back into the darkness he had called his home, he couldn’t deny, how much he loved this feeling, which blossomed around their joined hands. It was so fragile like a crystal and precious like a sun beam after many days of rain. A particle of light he wanted to carry between his hands for ever. Innocent and pure and Goro hoped it wasn’t as fleeting.

“It scares me. Terribly so, if I’m honest. It feels like walking the tightrope above an endless nothingness, where a part of me rests I’ve never accepted as a part of me. A part I thought I had killed many years ago. I want to jump, to finally become whole again. To become me, but fear is holding me back. I don’t know what awaits me at the bottom. I don’t know, who I am going to be, then. I’ve never been very courageous.”

“That’s not true.”, Ren said softly and stepped closer, causing Goro to look up. He swallowed from the intensity in Ren’s gaze. A gaze, which allowed no lies or disguise. “What you just said speaks of great courage. The world greeted you with nothing but harshness, contempt. You were your parent’s scape goat. They misused you, abused you and threw you away like trash.”

It was the painful truth and every word of Ren brought more tears to his eyes. The moment he couldn’t stand the ache of his heart and past anymore and lowered his head to escape the gravity of Ren’s eyes, he felt a hand on the back of his head, which pulled him towards a strong, comforting body. A body, a presence, which he had wished to connect himself with, to form a bond with, but his past had torn it apart each time he had tried again.

“You have every right to hate the world and humanity. It has never been kind to you.” Sadness clouded Ren’s eyes and in this moment, Goro believed that Ren was able to feel everything that had darkened his heart. “As Yaldabaoth’s token of darkness, you were doomed right from the beginning.”

Ren’s voice trembled from pain just as much as Goro shivered inside his arms.

“But although you’ve never experienced any light or hope, even though you were nothing but a toy a God played with, you’ve always wished for the light and in the moment it truly mattered, in the moment your destiny was decided, you chose a side you’ve never known. You paid with the biggest sacrifice you could have ever made to save those, who had caused you the most pain, because we showed you, how it could have been. We truly must have been fools in your eyes. Fools, who knew nothing of the world and yet fought to save it, although it didn’t deserve to. Still you gave your life for the little chance of maybe. I know nothing, which is more courageous.”

Goro stood completely rigid in Ren’s arms, his mind completely blank. He wanted to say something, felt like he needed to, but whenever he thought he got a hold on a sentence or just a word, when he tried to rest it on his tongue, it slipped away, crumbling into dust.

“I love you.”, Ren said, burying his hand in the long, brown strands, which grazed over his shoulder blades. “You might have thought the more I got to know about your past and true self, the more I would see the ugliness you saw in yourself. But that’s not true. The more I got to know you, the more beautiful you became.”

“Ren, stop…please, please.”, he begged desperately as he clenched into his shirt, almost tearing it out of the trousers. He couldn’t take it anymore. It felt like he was breaking any moment now. It was all too much, to overwhelming, too fast and he felt that if he would let go, he would be torn away by emotions, he had kept at bay for so long.

“It’s okay.” Gently, Ren nudged him and placed kisses into the crown of his hair. An anchor in a storm, which Goro hadn’t seen coming. “We have the rest of our lives to figure this out and it would be boring to solve it all tonight. You have all the time you need.”

In this moment, Goro couldn’t hold back anymore. He couldn’t withdraw himself form these feelings anymore, which felt so soothing and pleasant. He couldn’t be cautious anymore. He didn’t want to be. He wanted to wrap himself into them and let them hold him, until he fell asleep. He took another step forward and snuggled into Ren, holding onto him as if he was the only thing that kept him from falling.

Ren held him tight and safe, soothing hands running through his hair more like a mother than a boyfriend and in that moment of vulnerability it was exactly what Goro needed like the air to breath.

“I’ve got you. You’re safe. You’re not alone anymore.” With these words, Ren leaned down and kissed him, lips brushing slowly and tenderly, leaving no doubt behind that Ren saw him as beautiful. There was no other explanation for the tenderness, which resonated with every move.

He truly didn’t deserve this and felt like crying. He loved Ren. He felt it every time he touched him in the way his heart skipped a beat and he felt energy buzzing into every corner of his body, but Goro had no idea how to express honest emotions yet alone love. How could he be the boyfriend he wanted to be? How could he become the partner Ren deserved?

A little mewl slipped past his lips, before he noticed as they dissolve and Ren tenderly nudged their noses, before touching their foreheads together.

“Come on. The curry should be ready by now.” Encouragingly, Ren smiled, hands wiping tears away again. Was it normal to cry that often? Wasn’t love supposed to feel like butterflies inside the stomach?

Without saying a word, he took both of his hands into his, rubbing over the back for a moment, before he pulled them both backwards towards the kitchen.

They didn’t speak much during dinner, because Goro didn’t dare to and it wasn’t exactly necessary. There rested so many words inside the curry inside the bowl in front of him. In the depth of the curry, between the rich taste of chocolate, apples and cinnamon rested a promise of a better future, a home and to be loved. So many things danced across his tongues, which he couldn’t quite understand, but it moved something deep inside of him.

Ren seemed to understand, because he allowed him to be silent and there was no spark of reproach or uncomfortableness in the air. They simply ate together, only the chink of spoons scraping over the bowl bottom and Morgana’s content hum filled the air.

After the dinner, they cleaned the dishes together and even such a small thing showed, how well they were working together. Goro and Ren didn’t need any words. Their hearts and subconscious knew each other so well that words were nothing but a tool.

It was the first time someone was in his flat and yet it felt like Ren had always been here. He moved so naturally and casually in his flat like it was his home and Goro noticed, how much he enjoyed it. Much more than he could admit- neither inwardly nor aloud.

They made themselves ready for bed, when the sun had just set and slipped under the covers. It felt strange to have someone rest beside you, when the bed had always been empty before. To feel warmth and a pleasant weight, which dipped down the mattress. To sense how another persons’ breath danced over your exposed skin, tickling your nerves. Ren kept a respectful, little distance between them, allowing Goro to decide, how close he would let him. His raven locks were almost completely swallowed by the darkness, which had set inside his bedroom. Goro watched him for a while as he slept, threading his fingers through the hair and involuntary, a smile spread over his lips.

When he was just about to drift into sleep an unknown weight rested onto him and Goro startled in alert, but he let out his held breath, when he realized it was only Morgana, who had settled himself onto Ren and him, curling himself together for sleep, his quiet snores and sighs filling the air.

“With that you’re officially accepted as a part of the group and as my boyfriend.”, Ren murmured sleepily, a smile pressed into the pillow. Goro widened his eyes for a moment, but then huffed as Ren reached out and patted his upper arm clumsily. With a smile, he slid closer to Ren, nudging himself under his arm.

Slowly, Goro’s eyes became heavy and his mind gave in to the peaceful atmosphere, which covered his apartment like a heavy blanket. A deep yawn escaped him as he slowly drifted into sleep. Yes, he might grow used to this, he thought in the safety of the night.


	2. Reach for my hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new morning raises- in many ways of the words and for the first time, Goro and Ren wake up in each other's arms.

Ren was the first to wake up the next morning. He wasn’t exactly an early bird, but the nights in Shibuya were so much different than in Yongen-Jaya or even in his home, a small town in the region of Kyoto. Shibuya was always bright. Even at night. Blueish, cold light from the surrounding buildings had flooded through the shutters, colouring the room in ghostly shadows.

But now the artificial light was slowly replaced by the warm, inky colours of dawn, which searched their ways through the shutters. Ren blinked his eyes completely open and simply looked out of the window of Goro’s bedroom, while he waited for his gaze to sharpen and dreams returning to the part of his subconscious.

A quiet, peaceful atmosphere rested like a heavy blanket above the room. Nothing seemed to move, not even time and Ren wished this morning could last a life time. He liked the indecisiveness of twilight. Yesterday was over and today had not really started yet. There was still room for hopes and dreams of what was going to happen. Ren carried a lot of wished to this new day, who marked a new chapter in life, inside his heart.

He tilted his head only to find Goro sleeping peacefully inside his arms, his head buried against Ren’s chest and one arm wrapped around his hip. His hazelnut brown hair was dishevelled, cascading in all directions on the white pillow. A soft smile played around Ren’s lips as he stroked through Goro’s hair, which ran like silk through his fingers. Goro truly looked beautiful, when he was asleep. Untainted, unharmed, almost innocent. As if he hadn’t seen the worst of what life had to offer.

Ren’s smile became tender as he rested his chin on the crown of Goro’s head to enclose him a little tighter. Most of the wishes he carried in his heart, though, weren’t for himself. They belonged to Goro and the hope for a better future for him. Ren wanted to do everything to show him, how wonderful life could be.

After a few more minutes of pleasant silence, Morgana began to stir behind him, a quiet mewl escaping him as he stretched and then climbed onto Ren.

“Good morning.”, he greeted him, blue eyes piercing through the darkness.

“Morning, Morgana.”, Ren said softly and reached out to stroke his most loyal companion between his ears. “How did you sleep?”

“Good.”, Morgana purred and snuggled his head into Ren’s palm. A gesture, which warmed his heart. Earlier, Morgana would have refused to be a cat or be threaded as such, but it appeared he slowly became accustomed to the role destiny had given him. “That bed is much more comfortable than in LeBlanc.”

“Well, that’s not exactly difficult.” Ren laughed softly, trying to stay quiet so that he wouldn’t wake Goro up.

“True.” Morgana, however, laughed loudly, which only earned him a warning glare from Ren, who nodded towards Goro. Morgana became quietly and looked down towards the boy inside his arms. “Is Akechi still asleep?”

“Hmmhmm…”, Ren hummed and smiled softly down to his still peacefully sleeping boyfriend. Yesterday must had exhausted him with all its emotional insights and cognitions. At least, he truly showed no signs of waking up any time soon. Love filled his heart at the sight and in this moment, Ren became even surer that Goro had been worth all the fight and tragedy and he would give him the world, which had been denied to him. 

“Shall I go into the living room to give you a private moment, when he wakes up?”, Morgana asked, his tail whacking back and forth, blue eyes watching him thoughtfully.

“That would be nice.”, Ren admitted, but his gaze was just as deep as Morgana’s, then he reached out and gently stroked his cheek. “But I don’t want you to feel like a fifth wheel.”

“It’s okay.”, Morgana said comfortingly and pressed his head into Ren’s hand, purring slightly. “I know, how much you missed him.”

“I did indeed.” Ren sighed deeply, the pain of the past year resonating in his voice and his eyes narrowed in sadness. He had tried to hide it, but the time had been more difficult for him then had let on- even to himself. Every time they had spoken to each other, it had felt bittersweet. On the one hand, he had been happy to hear Goro’s smooth voice, but it had also made his heart clench in pain, knowing that they had still been apart although they had overcome all odds.

Morgana watched him with a sad, compassionate gaze and got up to walk to his face. Gently, he rubbed his cheek against Ren’s, who looked up at him and tried to smile, but it twitched.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Morgana stretched one last time, before he jumped off the bed and trotted towards the door with his tail held up high. “As repayment I demand a delicious breakfast.”

“Alright.”, Ren promised with a warm smile and Morgana nodded, before he disappeared through the door, they had left open for him yesterday. When Ren heard how the tapping sound disappeared, he turned back towards Goro, who hadn’t moved.

The sun had raised higher by now, enlightening the entire room in a colour play of orange, red and yellow. Goro’s bedroom was sparsely furnished. Next to the bed, there was only a simple, two-doored wardrobe. In general Ren had noticed that his flat was only equipped with what was absolutely necessary even though these pieces had been chosen carefully. Ren wasn’t exactly picky. He felt at home at many places and he hadn’t expected this to feel like his immediately, but what disturbed him was, that it didn’t feel like Goro’s. Nothing inside of here told a story or allowed assumption about the owner and it pained Ren’s heart. Home was where your heart was and, apparently, Goro had never felt at home here or likely anywhere in the world, the feeling of being unwanted and unwelcomed running through his life like a red thread.

“I’m going to show you, how home feels like.”, Ren promised quietly, while he gently stroked over Goro’s cheek and placed a soft kiss to the corner of his lips. In this moment, Goro began to stir, eyelids twitching as his mind slowly returned into reality. Ren smiled softly and moved back a little so that Goro wouldn’t startle to the unknown sight of someone else lying in his bed.

Goro woke up quietly. No sigh, yawn, mewl or stretching of tensed muscles. He simple opened his eyes, which were surprisingly clear.

“Ren…”, he whispered surprised and reached out, fingers brushing through raven strands as if he couldn’t believe that he wasn’t disappearing.

“Good morning, Goro.” Ren smiled softly and rested a comforting hand onto his, thumb brushing soothing, comforting circles onto the back of his head.

“You’re truly here.”, he said, wide, shimmering rubies starring back at him, his mouth slightly open in surprise as if he couldn’t believe this was real.

“Yes, I am.” Ren huffed and leaned forward, brushing their lips together for their first good-morning. The first of many as Ren hoped. That was another wish he carried inside his heart.

Time and space lost their meanings for a moment, the kiss appearing to last a life time, lips tenderly brushing against one another and soft, happy sighs filling the air. Hands began to explore skin and hair, caressing each place they came in contact with. Goro and Ren might know each other inside out, but this here was an area they knew nothing about each other. The unknown had always been enthralling, almost alluring for Ren and he couldn’t wait to explore it.

“I could definitely get used to waking up like this.”, Goro whispered, his breath like a warm breeze dancing across Ren’s face.

“Me too.” Ren chuckled and tenderly brushed his nose against Goro’s. “Finally, the endless time of being apart is over. Tell me, Goro, are you looking forward to it?”

“Yes.”, he replied without any hesitation and nodded, a soft smile grazing around his lips as he reached out to stroke Ren’s black hair out of his face. Ren smiled, too, and took hold of his hand, needing to feel more, to have an even stronger connection to the person, which destiny had tried to take away from him. Many times, it had felt like Goro had been fading through his fingers like sand. Many times, Ren had believed it had been too late, that there had been no hope to reach Goro anymore. That he had been lost in the darkness forever, but then, each and every time, he had showed up again to search for his company and in these moments, Ren had believed that his subconscious had tried to save him, too. This had been the sign he had needed not to give up and Ren wouldn’t have wanted to give up the man he was pulled towards with such intensity.

Goro closed his eyes as Ren caressed his hands and touched their foreheads together. The air appeared to grow thicker, more meaningful between them as they shared their breath and warmth. The world’s arcanum came to rest inside of him, providing an energy of peace, which filled the room. Ren wished they could stay in here forever, to make this dream last forever, but he wasn’t such a fool like Maruki. He knew that pain, suffering and disappointment was a part of life and it was necessary for the energy of creating. If everyone was always content, they never reached for more and the world would turn again and again in the ever-same way. Everything would stop and the dream would always stay the same.

But dreams could change through experiences and pain. When he had just arrived in Tokyo for the first time, his happiness would have been that his criminal would be deleted and to be able to go home again. If this wish would have been granted, then he would have never met the best of friends, would have never found his soulmate and that filled him with much more happiness than his first wish could ever have. Pain showed us the beauty in life, but also the price it costed. This was the cognition he had gained through all of this.

“What are you thinking about?”, Goro asked into the silence as if he had heard the grinding of the wheels of Ren’s mind and this was, what he loved most about them. There was this deep feeling of understanding each other blindly, resting somewhere soothing inside his stomach.

“About how wrong Maruki was.” Ren sighed heavily and when he looked back up into Goro’s eyes, his gaze was thoughtful, almost glum. Goro frowned as if this wasn’t exactly what he had expected him to think about on their first morning together. Tenderly, he reached out and stroked over the skin next to his eyes as if he tried to wipe these unpleasant memories away, but that was exactly the crux of the matter. No matter how much pain this faked reality had caused, despite Maruki’s intention, it had led to good things. Without the final decision he had had to make, he would have never confessed his feelings to Goro. He wouldn’t even had had the chance to and Sumire would still try to live as a replacement to push her feeling of guilt away. She would have never found out, who she truly was and that she had as much the right of existence as Kasumi. “He thought a world without pain would be paradise, but without it we wouldn’t appreciate or even recognize the good things in life.”

Ren reached out and traced his thumb along Goro’s jaw and lips, almost as if he was touching a fragile beauty, which was born out of pain and he was. Goro’s beauty, as gruesome as it might be, came from the pain, which he had to endure to his life. From the sorrow he had seen. His charisma was the result of desperately wanting to belong somewhere, to be liked and loved. His wits were born out of his fight for survival. To always have to manage everything on his own, while Ren had his friend he could have relied on.

“With his wish he robbed humanity of his potential. He truly was a fool.”, Goro snarled, his nose scrunched up in despise, his face contorting in a way, which came quite close to his psychotic one. A face every sane person would shy away from, but not Ren. He only huffed and closed his eyes in amusement, because he found it adorable.

“I would rather say he was a dreamer.” He moved his fingers over his lips, back to his cheek and up to the bridge of his nose, rubbing the little wrinkles of disapproval between his brows away. It needed a few moments in which Goro tried to keep up his stern face expression, but then he laughed, the grudge of years disappearing out of him.

“You’re quite an optimist, Ren. Always seeing the best in people.”, Goro said, starring softly into his eyes, but also with something coming close to an exhausted scolding.

“And you’re quite a pessimist, my love. Always expecting the worst in someone. That’s why we complement each other perfectly.”, Ren replied with his usual, unshaking confidence, a bold smirk twitching around the corners of his mouth and glistened in his eyes. He ran his hand along his side of his face and he placed a hot kiss against Goro’s lips. Astonished, Goro huffed, but then sighed, melting into the kiss, surrendering to him, allowing him to take over the control of his mind and body. Ren’s lips glowed, burning every thought and the outside world away. Aimlessly, Goro’s hand hang in the air for a moment, before it clenched tremblingly into Ren’s pyjama top as if he tried to anchor himself in a storm. A warm shiver ran through him and into the man above him, while he gave all of himself to Ren, sealing the vow that he would accept his emotions. When then need for air grew urgent, they pulled away, both panting heavily, chests raising and falling in a quick rhythm. Ren’s breath tickled over his lips and his voice was raw, deep and rolling, when he whispered: “And if I didn’t see the best in people, we wouldn’t be here.”

“And I would’ve been lost.”, Goro admitted with a sigh. For a blink of an eye, a shimmer of sadness ran through the red eyes, but then he chased it away with a shake of his head. “I guess my way was proven wrong.”

“No, it wasn’t wrong.” Soothingly, a thumb brushed over plump, kiss-swollen lips.

“What do you mean?” Surprised, Goro blinked and looked at him in confusion, but just like always, his typical curiosity made his eyes sparkle.

“Your mindset has granted that you survived till this point. It was your strongest weapon.” That was, what Ren believed. Most would condemn Goro’s actions without a second thought, but he had always looked underneath the masks. “Your life and how you were treated have led to the decisions you made. In this regard, we all aren’t free. Everyone is just a sum of outside influence.”

“Ren…”

“Therefore, the path you’ve chosen was the only exit for you in that situation. Nothing about it was wrong, but a path is never straight. It has curves and crossroads and now, you can change it, if you want to.”

“I do.”

“Then the only question is, whether you’re willing to let go of the past and to stop despising yourself for the things you have done. A new chapter can only start with closing the old one. We have forgiven you, but to forgive yourself is the hardest part.” Goro gasped, his eyes blown wide and it almost appeared as if the sound of shattering glass echoed through his bedroom.

“Fo…forgive myself?”, he stammered helplessly. Ren nodded and rolled himself on top of him.

“We only won, because we had the advantage of many. If you didn’t make that small mistake at the TV station and if Morgana weren’t that perceptive, I would be dead. I guess this is the better outcome, isn’t it?” With a soft smile, he ran his fingers through the soft, brown hair. For a moment, Goro swallowed, but then he nodded and snuggled into Ren’s palm.

“Yes.”, he agreed with his heart on his tongue and a relieved shine in his eyes. He covered Ren’s hand with his, holding onto it as if he wanted to make sure that it had turned out like it did.

“Then stop holding a grudge about not noticing it.” Softly, Ren smiled and his deep, grey eyes looked friendly at him, while Goro froze underneath him, his breath stocking inside his chest and his hand fell from his. “I believe this was only possible way to achieve this present. Without us defeating you, you wouldn’t have been ready to listen and open your mind to the friendship we have to offer.”

“Ren…”

“Every other path would have led to the victory of one side, but like this, we’ve both won, don’t you think?” Ren leaned down, his breath ghosting over Goro’s face for a moment, before he locked their lips. An action, which was only possible because of the mistakes they had made in the past. That was, what Ren believed. “Now, you are reborn and free of the chains. You can become whatever you want to be.”

“What…what I want to be?” Ren nodded with determination, Joker’s eyes glowing in his pupils for a moment. He knew, how overwhelming it must feel for him. _Freedom_. That was what Goro had got for the sacrifice he had made, but after a life in chains, it could be utterly overwhelming. He still needed to learn what it meant that his life wasn’t controlled by his goal and his hatred. Now, he truly had to find out, who he was without the curse of his past and most of all, he had to decide, what a kind of a person he wanted to be. His rebirth had granted him a fresh start. A change to make it better.

Cognition truly was a strange thing. When the Phantom Thieves had disappeared from the cognition of society, so had the astonishing ace detective, who had exposed them, but when they had returned in the merciless fight against Yaldabaoth, Goro had stayed in the veil of oblivion. Not even records of his many medial activities existed anymore. That was his atonement. He was robbed of everything. His past, but also his faked achievements. Goro Akechi was nothing but blank in the society’s cognition.

“Therefore, how could you say your path was wrong? When every action of yours was necessary to create this outcome? When each of it was a step to free myself?”

“To free myself?” Baffled, Goro looked at him, his eyes shining like rubies, the warm light of the sun mirroring in them and Ren could feel, how his heartbeat jumped underneath his palm.

“Exactly.” Ren smiled. “Now, we’re not the sides of the same coin anymore. Now, we’re just Goro and Ren.”

“Just Goro and Ren…”, he repeated and with every syllable, a smile began to spread over his lips. “I like the sound of it.”

“Me too.” With an elegant movement, Ren sat up, straddling Goro’s hips with a pleasant weight. It still surprised him, how easily Goro accepted this physical, intimate contact, but in Ren’s mind it was only another prove of their bond. That their hearts were in synchronicity and that deep within themselves, they knew that they belonged together. No matter what fate and reality had tried to make them believe. They had known their truth and justice all along and they had preserved it within their hearts, until they would finally be able to look unburdened into each other’s eyes.

“So, Goro…” Ren held out his hand and smiled, while the light of a new dawn surrounded him like a crown and the wisdom of the world arcanum spoke out of him. “Will you take my hand and allow me to show you the world through my eyes?”

“Yes.”, he answered without hesitation or a flicker of doubt inside his voice as he finally reached out to accept his hand, which had been offered to him ever since they had met. “Show me your world, please.”

Ren smiled softly as their hands laced together and pulled Goro up without any struggle. As soon as Goro sat up, he wrapped his arm around Ren, his hand coming to rest on his back in a tender touch and he snuggled his head into the crook of Ren’s neck, seeking love, trust and comfort, which had been taken away from him for far too long.

Tenderly, Ren looked down to him and cupped the back of his head, soothing fingers caressing his scalp.

“I love you.”, he whispered and placed a tender, honest kiss onto the crown of his head.

“I know.” Goro laughed and snuggled closer into him and wrapped both arms around him.. “And you’re a fool for doing so, but it saved me. Therefore, I can’t really complain.”

He pulled back, the love of hope shining like a diamond engraved into a gem, before he lifted himself up. With feelings inside his heart, he had never felt before, he cradled Ren’s beautiful face and kissed him softly.

“My love…”, he breathed against Ren’s lips as he dissolved, only to kiss him immediately again, allowing himself to drown in the warm spring of the bond they shared. It was innocent brush of lips, which could purify even the most tainted drop of blood and with every movement, Goro felt how more of the darkness, which had poisoned his mind and blood for such a long time, simply disappeared. They couldn’t withstand the light of their love.

Ren widened his eyes for a moment, when Goro’s words of reached him, but as soon as he felt Goro’s soft, warm kiss on his again, all the surprise was gone instantly. He pulled him closer, closer to him, closer to his heart. Ren didn’t know, what exactly. Just _closer_. A part of him, somewhere deep inside his guts, was still afraid that this was just a dream, an illusion. That he had given in and just couldn’t remember anymore. Therefore, he needed to feel Goro, to be sure that this here was the reality. That he was able to hold Goro in his arms, to feel him, to smell him. That a heart was beating inside his chest and that he was truly alive. His Goro. The other half of his heart. It felt as if Ren was finally complete again and a heavy weight of guilt was lifted from his shoulders.

“You know, Ren, are you sure you want to study law?”, Goro teased him to lighten the mood, because he had naturally sensed the change of emotions inside of Ren. “With your incredible emotional intelligence, you would be the perfect psychologist. You might be able achieve, where Maruki had failed.”

“No, I wouldn’t be.” Ren shook his head, a thoughtful expression in his eyes.

“What? But you have the ability to make everyone feel better and to overcome every struggle.”

“Exactly and this is, why I wouldn’t be.”, the black-haired boy said casually as if this would be enough to explain it and waved with his hand.

“Huh?” Goro blinked confused.

“My empathy is my greatest strength, but also my greatest weakness.”

“What do you mean with that?”

“Have I ever told you the story about how I awakened to Arsène?” With an absent gaze, Ren slid off Goro’s hips and rested himself against the head of the bed, his eyes hanging on the dim enlightened ceiling, his mind drifting back into the other world, which was the past.

“No…”, Goro answered and shook his head, but he couldn’t prevent from the curiosity to slip into his voice. He slid around and sat across from Ren, because he felt as if Ren wanted to share a part of him, but he had to admit, he had always been curious about this story.

“We were caught by Kamoshida in his palace after we accidentally stumbled into it and he was just about to execute Ryuji.”

“And that was, when you…”, Goro said surprised and he sat down next to Ren, who nodded and pulled his knees up against his body.

“Yes…” Ren didn’t look at him. He only starred at the wall with that deep eyes of wisdom. With eyes, that always saw the truth. Even about himself. “I couldn’t endure the thought that he had to die, when all he wanted to do was to protect those students, who were abused by Kamoshida. He had done nothing wrong and yet he should die? That wasn’t right. That wasn’t the justice I believed in. It was something I couldn’t accept. That was when Arsène awakened inside of me and we made our pact.”

“So, you discovered our rebel spirit to protect someone?” Goro turned around and smiled softly at him, while he stroked his cheek. “That sounds just like you.”

“It does, doesn’t it?” Ren huffed and smiled, dropping his head onto Goro’s shoulder, closing his eyes.

“I think I understand, what you wanted to tell me with this story.” Goro placed a warm kiss into his hair, while he wrapped an arm around your waist. “The origin of your strength lays within your helpfulness.”

“Yes, but it can also be my doom.”, he murmured against his neck. “When I’m not able to save everyone, the feeling of guilt devours me. When I had to leave you behind in Shido’s palace, I was devasted, even though we saved the world.”

“I’m sorry I caused you so much pain and despair.”, Goro whispered with a heavy voice and his hand shivered on his hip. “It seems it’s the only thing I’m capable of.”

“You did nothing, my love.”, Ren assured calmly. “But I forgive you.”

He placed a tender kiss to the crook of his neck. Goro shivered and sighed, his eyes fluttering shut.

“And I forgive you.”, he murmured into the black hair and aspirated a kiss into it.

For a while, they simply sat together like this, bathing within the newly won freedom as much as the gentle light of the sun as they listened to the symphony of their breaths and the drums of their hearts. Maruki had tried to grant them this wish, but luckily, they didn’t have to sacrifice humanity’s potential in order to achieve their hearts’ desire.

But then, the silence was suddenly disrupted by the rumble of a stomach and Goro blushed immediately. Ren chuckled and cupped his cheek, gently turning his head back to him. Shyly, Goro lifted his eyes and opened his mouth to mumble an excuse, but Ren sealed his lips with his instead.

“I guess, we should have breakfast.”

“Yes, you should!”, Morgana’s voice echoed through the hallway from the living room. Startled, Goro and Ren starred into each other’s eyes, before their laughter cleared the air.

“We probably better not let him wait.”, Goro snickered, while he stretched his arms.

“No. You don’t want to experience Morgana hangry.” With these words, Ren lifted himself out of the bed. “Despite that, I promised him a delicious breakfast as a repayment for giving us a private moment.”

“And I haven’t even realized he isn’t here. Guess, I still have to get used to have a cat now.”

“I am _not_ a cat!”, Morgana shouted angrily. Goro laughed and Ren loved the sound of this honest joy, which sparkled through him. It actually was quite bright and loud, but not as over the top as his artificial one had been and it filled the entire room.

“Well, it seems like I have to thank him. It was beautiful waking up like this.”, Goro hummed. With a soft smile, Ren turned around to his gorgeous boyfriend, who looked at him with such love and tenderness in his eyes that it made his heart stutter. For a moment, he couldn’t help but to stare with awe at him. To see how his wonderful, brown hair was totally dishevelled, standing in different direction, his blood-red eyes shining brightly, the top of his pyjama wrinkled and slightly ridden up, showing just the tiniest bit of his lean body. In this moment, the entire situation felt a little surreal and Ren couldn’t believe that they truly were a couple, now.

“Come, let us make breakfast.” Ren smiled warmly and reached out his hand. Goro nodded and once again accepted it without hesitation. He let him pull him onto his feet and immediately steeped into Ren’s personal space, wrapping his arms around his neck and meeting him for a brief, but soft kiss. Then, he walked up the mirror with the steely frame, which stood in one corner of the bedroom and straightened his white pyjama and roughly combed through his hair with his fingers.

“Goro, we’re just having breakfast.”, Ren laughed as he walked up to him and rested his head onto his shoulder. “I like it when you look a little messy and Morgana certainly doesn’t care.”

“Maybe I’m doing this for neither of you.”, Goro teased and poked Ren’s nose, who scrunched it up and pulled away with a chuckle and Goro joined him. With a soft smile, he turned around and began to straighten the bangs of Ren’s black hair. “There you go.”

“All ready, now?” Ren only rolled his eyes, but his smile stayed soft.

“Hmmhmmm.” Goro nodded gleefully, but then quickly smoothed out Ren’s shirt.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“Alright, then let’s go.” Then, he took Goro’s hand, which felt so perfect inside his as if it was made for it. “What would you like to have for breakfast?”

“I don’t know. Whatever you like.” Dismissively, Goro shrugged as they walked down the small, slim hallway with the white wallpapers.

“That’s not exactly helpful.”

“I’ve barely made breakfast for myself. I rather got something on the way.”, he explained, his eyes suddenly carrying a rather odd expression of seriousness, his face becoming a little harder. “And I don’t feel exactly comfortable that you do all the work.”

“I don’t mind.”, Ren said undeterred. “But if it truly bothers you, you could still help me, you know. Cooking together is quite enjoyable.”

“Oh, better not.”, Goro laughed, but it sounded a little sad. “I have absolutely no idea how to. No one ever showed me.”

“Well then.” Ren stepped in front of him and smiled warmly as he once again held out his hand. “It’s about time that I show you how to make pancakes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everybody for reading this chapter. <3 Please, let me know what you think of it. I'd love to hear your opinions.


	3. Pale skin under the sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Goro has to face one of the hardest tasks in his life: returning to LeBlanc.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took me so long, but this chapter was quite hard to grasp and to put into words.

Goro’s anxiety sat deep. Deeper than he himself would have guessed. It sat behind his charming smile, his actions, his words and the jokes he made. All of those were protections mechanism to prevent someone would see his desperation, uncertainty and fear, while his mind made up conversations that people were allegedly whispering to each other behind his back. His anxiety was dark, deep and swallowing, but there was a place where he had been free of this overwhelming, unsettling feeling which had accompanied him ever since he was born. _LeBlanc_.

This small, cosy coffee shop was the only place, which only contained pleasant memories. Well, as pleasant as Goro’s memories could be. It was the first place, where he had felt welcomed, but now, he couldn’t be sure, if he still was and that made him anxious. How ironic.

He sighed and looked sadly at those familiar black letters on white background as he leaned against the fence. He had no idea, how Sojiro would react. Or Haru. Or Futaba. Or any of them actually. They might know that he was alive and in a relationship with Ren, but seeing him in person after every that had happened, probably was something else entirely. With his protection wall of fury, which he had quickly build up in Maruki’s reality, he might have destroyed the little seed of goodwill he had planted with his sacrifice.

“Are you nervous?”, Ren asked concerned as he laced his fingers with Goro’s in hope to give a little bit of comfort.

“A little.”, Goro admitted with a sigh and he was surprised, how easy it had become to him in Ren’s presence. With a small, a little fragile smile, he turned his head to his boyfriend, whose dark eyes looked him compassionately, while he reached out and stroked a brown strand behind Goro’s ear. His warm hand came to rest on his cheek, the thumb caressing him comfortingly and Goro sighed as he snuggled into his hand. “I just don’t know, how they’re going to react. To not have the control is something I’m still quite terrible at.”

“I can’t promise you that they forgave you. Especially Futaba and Haru…”, Ren said sadly and lowered his head, but Goro tenderly placed two fingers under his chin and made him look back up again. When their eyes met again and shook his head. Goro didn’t expect forgiveness. He knew it was something, which must be earned and of course they could hold a grudge. Otherwise, they wouldn’t have become Phantom Thieves. Only Ren had always been different. As if he had been destined to hold the world’s arcana at one point, he had always carried a wisdom inside his heart, which no teenager should ever hold. Ren was able to see everything out of the other persons eyes and therefore knew the person better than they did themselves. Goro was just the best proof for it.

Ren sighed and smiled as he understood, what Goro told him with a gaze alone.

“But they all understand, why you did it.”, he continued, while he took a step closer to him, so close that the tips of their noses were almost brushing against each other. “And none of them wanted it to end that way. When I told them, you’re alive, they were all relieved and happy. Even Futaba and Haru. They just have to learn anew, how to get along with you. Just as much as you do. They don’t know, who you truly are, because they know none of the versions, they got to know, was the truth.”

“As if I knew which one was the real one.” Goro laughed and for most, it would have sounded honest, but Ren only starred seriously at him, until the smile on his face disappeared. Ren wouldn’t accept any lie anymore. That much Goro was aware of. “I don’t even know myself, who I am.”

Resigned, he looked at his boyfriend, his lifesaver, his treasure, his _everything_. He wished he would know, what kind of person he was. He didn’t know, if he was going to be the person Ren had seen in him all along, but he was hoping for it. If only not to disappoint Ren and to prove that he had been worth all the heartache and pain that he had caused.

“Actually…”, Goro broke the thoughtful silence between them. “I’m more concerned about Sojiro.”

“Sojiro?”, Ren asked confused and frowned as Goro nodded in confirmation.

“He doesn’t remember anything from Maruki’s reality.”, Goro explained and waved dismissively through the air. “So, the last thing he remembers about me is how I tried to murder you and he’s intelligent. He’s likely going to figure out I was the one indirectly responsible for Wakaba’s death.”

“That’s true.” Ren nodded. “But he’s not so narrow minded as he appears or as you believe.”

“I hope so.” A deep sigh escaped him. He actually had liked Sojiro right from the beginning.

“I’m sure it’s going to be fine.” Ren smiled and his encouraging smile was quite powerful. It filled your heart with courage and faith. Making you feel like you can achieve everything. Even changing the world and he had changed and conquered the world with this smile. With that remarkable smile, he lifted Goro’s hand and placed a tender kiss to his knuckles. “And I will be with you all the time.”

“That’s reassuring.”, Goro said and it wasn’t to charm his way into Ren’s heart. It was honest. He truly took strength and confidence from knowing, he wouldn’t have to face this on his own. Ren would be with him. No matter how this was going to turn out- and Goro hoped it would turn out well- Ren would stay.

“Shall we go in?”, Ren asked and squeezed his hand. For a moment, Goro still hesitated, taking in a deep to soothe his nerves, but then he nodded.

“Yes, let’s.” Inwardly, Goro laughed about himself. How can he be pathetic to be that nervous? He had gone through worse, he had managed worse, but this time- for the first time- he wanted to do it right, but doing the right thing was something, Goro had no idea about. Ren smiled encouragingly at him one last time and then opened the door.

The doorbell chimed in that familar sound Goro had enjoyed so much as they entered and with a smile, he noticed that LeBlanc hadn’t changed at all. It was the same café, with the same furniture and the same comfortable scent of coffee and curry dancing through the air and the same man standing behind the bar, polishing a glass. Immediately, Goro’s heart and mind was filled with a feeling of being home, of belonging here and all those times he had spent here felt like a long, precious dream he wanted to keep in his heart forever.

But it almost made him aware once again, what he had risked and potentially lost with his egoistic plan. He had the nicest of people, but his fury had made him blind towards it. He hadn’t been able or willing to accept, what they had offered and for most of all, he couldn’t let go off that feeling, which had feasted on his heart for so long.

“We’re back.”, Ren announced with a bright, cheerful voice.

“Took you long enough.”, Sojiro said with that typical deep rumble and a smirk, which made his eyes glistening.

“Only a year.”, Ren said with a smile, which showed how much exactly Sojiro meant to him. He had taken him in, had taken care of him, when his own parents hadn’t. Sojiro had believed in him and second chances. Something that Goro’s own father had made sure he would destroy for Ren, but Ren wouldn’t allow anything to take him down. Goro smiled, but it twitched with sadness, because he couldn’t help, but wonder how his life would have turned out, if he had been in Ren’s place, although he knew that he didn’t deserve that chance. He wouldn’t have made the same out of it. He was more an egotistical kind of person than Ren was.

With a loud sound, which startled Goro out of his thoughts, Sojiro rested the glass down on the counter. For a moment, there was silence, but then a wide, radiant smile cracked over Sojiro’s face as he hurried the bar and pulled Ren into a tight hug.

“It’s good you’re back, kid”, he whispered. “Futaba missed you.”

Goro was pretty sure, he actually wanted to say that he missed him and his own heart ached in all the wrong ways, because of things like loneliness, possessiveness, jealousy and other stuff he shouldn’t feel at the sight, but Goro knew, he was egoistic and that he had to suppressed those urges. It wasn’t right to feel them. Ren deserved all the love, all of this, because he had built up this relation with all of them.

“Me too.”, Ren answered in a warm voice, leaving up to Sojiro to understand it how he liked. If it only meant Futaba or if he was included. Goro knew the answer. He had missed all of them. Goro knew Ren and saw those little shifts in emotions in his dark irises.

Sojiro let go of Ren, only after quickly tousling through his hair, but then he turned to Goro and his gaze was suddenly heavy. Sojiro didn’t say a word, his eyes only wandering up and down on Goro, examining him thoroughly.

“Well, ain’t you have some nerves to show up again, _Akechi-kun_?”, Sojiro said and it wasn’t quite clear, if it was a snarl, a growl or anything in between, but it unsettled Goro greatly, because he didn’t know to handle it. Not so long ago, he would have put on his most vibrant smile and charm his way out of it, but he knew that he couldn’t do this anymore, but now, he had to find a new way and if he didn’t do it right…

Goro didn’t want to think about the consequences at the moment or it would make him any more nervous.

“Sojiro…”, Ren began soothingly, but Goro stopped him with a shake of his head.

“I know.”, Goro murmured, his eyes shining like amber from shame.

“You wanted to kill Ren.”, Sojiro exclaimed angrily as he narrowed his eyes, his light, blue eyes glaring at Goro like blades out of ice. “What the hell were you thinking? He was always kind to you. They accepted you as one of theirs and you dared to…”

“I know…”, Goro whispered again, this time the words sounding even more pained as he lowered his in sadness, displaying a picture of pure misery. “Believe me, I do.”

“Then why did you…?”

“Because I’ve lived in the darkness for all my life, had only seen the worst and most gruesome sight of it and the only way I was able to survive was to think that this was just how the world was.”, Goro exclaimed full of desperation and his voice shivered from his heavy pants and emotions. “When I met the Phantom Thieves, I thought they were foolish for trying to save the world, which is so broken, corrupted and distorted. They would fail, I thought, but they didn’t. Them, who had only been in the light, who hadn’t been through the hardship I was, were successful. They proved that there is a place for light and I absolutely hated them for it, because I asked myself, why couldn’t I have just got a glimpse at it. I didn’t know it any better back then.”

“Goro…”, Ren whispered, taken by surprise about the sudden intensity of Goro’s outburst. He turned around to him and rested his hands on his shoulders, which trembled from the tears that spilled uncontrollably. Goro desperately pressed his palms against his eyes, trying to stop his tears as all the pain about his past, which he had supressed for such a long time, came back to the surface.

“And I hate myself for the things I’ve done to them.”, he continued undeterred, because it suddenly felt like he needed to get this off his chest, because those words burned inside of him for too long. “That I was that corrupted and polluted myself, that I believed their kindness to be a trick and wasn’t able to see that they were honest with me. I was too broken to understand that kindness truly exists. I still don’t at times.”

“Akechi…” Sojiro blinked and his surprise about Goro’s emotional outbreak made his anger fade. 

“He changed his mind in the end, though. He sacrificed his life so that we were able to escape Shido’s palace.”, Ren explained, while he wrapped a comforting arm around Goro’s shoulder as a rescuing anchor and placed a soft kiss into his hair. Goro blinked, tears still caught in his eyelashes and without giving it a second thought, he turned into Ren’s embrace and hid inside his warmth. Ren rested his chin onto his head and starred sadly at Sojiro. “Even though he was destined to be my opponent, he busted those chains.”

“What do you mean with that?”

“He was the token of darkness chosen by the Holy Grail in the competition. My counterpart.”

“Wait a minute…” Sojiro shook his head in confusion. “So, you’re going to say you two were set up as contestants in a freaking game of two God’s about humanities potential?”

“Yes.” Ren nodded in a small gesture.

“Geez. That’s a horrible thing to load on a child’s shoulders.” With these words, the owner of LeBlanc took a step closer. Goro had hardly heard any of those words spoken. All he felt was a sudden presence walking up into his personal space, which wasn’t the trusted one of Ren. The only one his instinct allowed to cross that invisible border that his protection walls had been. He startled and looked up, but this time he didn’t face the intruder with fury like he had used to. He didn’t have the strength for it. He wasn’t that Goro anymore.

“I’m so sorry, Akechi-kun.”, Sojiro said softly and honesty shone in his eyes. Goro blinked, his eyes blown wide in shock, but then he huffed and shook his head.

“It’s alright.” He smiled small, but honestly this time, instead of bright and flashing like he had used to and yet, that smile costed way more strength, because it showed his vulnerability and his pain flickering between his lips and around the edges. “You couldn’t have possibly known.”

“Exactly and that’s why I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions.” Exhaustedly, Sojiro exhaled and lowered his head. “Look, I shouldn’t have said that. I mean, Ren has forgiven you, so what right do I have to judge you.”

“No…I think…it was the right…the appropriate the reaction to it.” Goro shook his head, while he clenched and unclenched his hand into the fabric of his sleeve in uneasiness. “I’m sorry that I had to fool you, too, Sojiro. Although…not much of it was a lie. Actually, this place came closest to home to me.”

In this moment, all tension faded out of Sojiro and he let it all out with a deep sigh. When he looked back at Goro, his face expression was kind and tender.

“Everything is going to become better, now, kid. “, he said friendly and ruffled through Goro’s hair. Goro widened his eyes and froze in his place, his body wanting to jump away, to dodge the attack that his body was expecting. Ren was attentive to his luck. The moment Goro’s muscles tensed to jump, he squeezed Goro’s shoulder and rested his head against his. For a moment, Sojiro blinked in surprise, but it appeared that the pain and the fear of his life were mirroring in his eyes and when he saw it, Sojiro’s own eyes became sad. “You have friends, now.”

Helplessly, Goro looked up to Ren, who nodded encouragingly and smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes this time.

“I love you, Goro.” He leaned down and placed a soft, tender kiss on his lips. “And the other’s care for you, too. You’re not alone anymore.”

“I just make you some coffee.”, Sojiro said comfortingly and moved behind the bar again to brew a fresh cup of coffee, but then he stopped right in the movement and hesitated. “Just answer me one more question honestly, please.”

“Yes.”, he whispered quietly and licked quickly over his lips, while he shifted nervously on his spot, his head lowered in shame. He knew exactly, which question was about to come.

“Did you kill Wakaba?” Goro hesitated, when he felt the sharp, thoughtful eyes on him again. His first instinct was to deny it or refer to the technicality that he hadn’t killed her, a car had, but he knew that it wasn’t the time for this anymore.

“I…I caused the psychotic breakdown that lead to her death. Yes.”, he admitted and his chest suddenly felt tight. There was a heavy silence in the room and Goro didn’t dare to look up and to meet Sojiro’s eyes. It appeared that when it mattered, he wasn’t brave enough. No matter what Ren said.

“Does Futaba know?”, Sojiro asked and his voice shivered.

“She does.”, Ren answered for him, because he noticed how hard it was for him.

Right on cue, the doorbells of the café rang again and tore the silence asunder.

“Ren!” A squeal flashed through the thick air and Ren only had time to turn around, before Futaba had thrown herself around his neck in excitement.

Ren laughed and stumbled, trying to find his balance back, but he caught her safely and wrapped his arms around her.

“Hello, Futaba.”, he whispered in the tenderness of an older brother finally returning home to his younger sister and this was exactly, what it was.

“You’re finally back.”, she murmured deeply touched against his shoulder.

“Yes.”, he replied with a soft smile and warmth in his eyes, while he stroked through her long, orange hair.

Goro’s heart ached a little at the sight and he felt as if he was back in the past. More than once, he had watched the Phantom Thieves from afar, how they spend their time together and had fun. He had been envious of them and that had made him furious.

Now, he only felt the impuissance of sadness of what had been taken away of him. If he hadn’t been that blind, he might have been able to be a part of it, but he had been too stubborn. Too broken, too hurt, too damaged and too polluted.

“Sojiro!” The stomp of a foot startled him out of his thoughts. Futaba had turned towards Sojiro, glaring at the owner of the café with a snoot of disapproval, who still brewed Goro’s promised coffee. “You promised me to text me, when Ren arrived!”

“Well, Futaba, that’s…” Uneasily, the older man rubbed over the back of his neck, trying to find an excuse, because he still couldn’t handle Futaba being mad at him.

“That’s my fault. I distracted him.”, Goro jumped in for his help and immediately, Futaba swirled around as if she only now noticed that he was there, but as soon as she truly realized him, she froze in her place as if she had seen a ghost. “Hello, Futaba.”

He tried to smile the best of his smiles, while he waved at her, trying to ease the situation, which suddenly felt heavy on his shoulders. He wanted Futaba to like him, because she meant so much to Ren, but it might be difficult given what he had done to her and he absolutely no idea, what to do to get it right again.

“Hnng…Akechi!”, she exclaimed, her face expression distorted by anxiety as she quickly hid herself behind Ren, her fingers clenching into the fabric of his sleeve. Her brown eyes starred at him in fear as if he was a wolf, who was just about to attack her.

“Futaba!”, Sojiro exclaimed concerned, but he fell silent, when Ren moved into action and his calmness began to fill the room.

“Too much, Goro. Too bright and too artificial.” Ren turned his head to her, watching her for some moments with a sad glance in his eyes, which made Goro feel miserable. Reassuringly, like Goro imagined a caring, older brother would look like, he stroked over the crown of Futaba’s head. “Especially given there are still traces of your tears on your cheeks.”

Ren rose his gaze and looked back at him, his irises nothing more than a swallowing storm of black and all the artificiality fell from Goro’s presence. The darkness and heaviness of emotions came back and Goro felt like Ren wouldn’t allow him to deny them anymore. Maybe in the fear, that he might get lost in the hidden darkness once again.

The dull, deep sound of his shoes walking over the floor echoed from the walls as he Goro went to Futaba. When he reached her, he prostrated until he was on her eye level.

“Futaba…”, he tried again, softer and more honest this time. Futaba lifted her gaze, a wild mixture of strong feelings dancing through her pupils and Goro hated the person he had been, who deserved all the emotions displaying inside of them. “I know there’s nothing, what I could possibly say can ever make undone, what I did to you. I know nothing can ease your pain or bring your mother back.”

Goro swallowed as a lump suddenly restricted his throat and his mouth became dry. Ever since he had decided to craft the disguise of the charming ace detective, he had been so charming, so talented, but as soon as it mattered, when it truly mattered, it turned out that it had been just as much of a fake.

“I’m so sorry.” Saying those words was still hard and it still felt bitter on his tongue, tainted by the experienced he had made and yet, it felt relieving. As if it opened up his chest and a damn broke. “I’m sorry for being so caught in my own pain that I didn’t care for the pain of others. That I was so selfish not to care, whom I going to hurt in the process. You didn’t deserve this, Futaba. You didn’t deserve to be the collateral damage in my seek for revenge. And for what it’s worth: I’m truy sorry.”

He closed his eyes and hung his head in shame, suddenly not able to look into Futaba’s eyes anymore.

“I don’t expect you to forgive me. I know, I don’t deserve it.” He shook his head about himself as the hot feeling of shame burned in his gut and on his cheeks. “I just hope you’re going to believe that I’m honest and that I try to change one day. To be become a better person. A person, who’s worth your compassion and friendship.”

Goro waited, his arms protectively wrapped around him and his fingers plucking on a thread of his coat and his feet shuffling restlessly on the place. The silence tasted bitter and stung on his skin, prickling like unpleasant, uncharged sparks through his nerve cells, while he still waited for his judgement.

“Akechi…” Goro didn’t know, which emotion his name carried. What Futaba felt as she said it and he didn’t dare to look to find out. He also didn’t know, which emotions rested inside of him, under that thick bog of what likely was fear.

Futaba shifted behind Ren, torn between her anxiety and her kindness and Goro wondered if he had to go through this with each of the thieves. Of course, he had no right for demands, but it was hard and it exhausted him. He didn’t know how much more he could take.

But then something happened, what Goro would have never expected. Futaba dissolved from Ren and slowly walked up to him, her eyes lowered to the ground and her hands hold tightly together behind her back.

“I understand that. Maybe more than you know.”, she whispered and her brown eyes looked up at him. “You were caught in your hatred just as much as I was in my sadness. I was desperate. I felt so alone. Like I was drowning in the voices, which whispered to me that I was the reason for mother’s death.”

The words hit him like a sharp knife right into his heart. Futaba was such a friendly, sweet girl, which hadn’t deserved any of the things that had been done to her. She was just a victim, caught in dark deeds, which had been bigger and stronger than her.

“I wasn’t that much different than you.”, Futaba continued with a shivering voice, but she inhaled deeply to steady it. “I blackmailed the Phantom Thieves into helping me. I was at the same crossroad you have been many years before me, but I met my friends and they helped me to choose the right path. You had no one, Akechi. There was no one, who heard your cries for help.”

Goro lifted his eyes and looked helplessly between Ren and Futaba, both looking at him with such sadness and compassion, which he hardly could handle. He felt naked, exposed and vulnerable under their gazes. As if his true self felt the sun for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually intended to write a meeting, with all the Phantom Thieves, but it got quite long till this point already. So I decided to split it. The rest of of the group will join us together.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please let me now, what you think. Subaru =)


	4. Show yourself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Goro tells the rest of the Phantom Thieves about his past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It sorry it took me so long, but I needed to figure things for my canon of Akechi's past out )

The coffee licked tenderly against Goro’s lips and the heavy scent tickled his nose. Taking a sip of Sojiro’s coffee always tasted like the first time. As if every other coffee was just an imposter, which tried to copy the perfect blue print. Goro couldn’t tell, what it was exactly, but something in the depth of the beverage provided a feeling of comfort and sympathy. When its warmth began to spread through your stomach and mind, you felt at peace. For a short moment, the world became perfect. It might not last, it might only be a fleeting moment in time, but it provided the soothing feeling of hope.

Goro smiled as the full flavour danced over his tongue and then playfully slid down his pharynx, until it settled somewhere deep inside of, filling out the hole, which was normally dark and empty. It was ridiculous how a simple cup of coffee could make him forget the horror of his past, but it was true and the more absurd thing was it did not even feel like an illusion, but rather a healing potion. It did not heal everything and it was temporary, but Goro had learned to live and be content with less, though he had always sought for more and his search had been successful. So at least it seemed.

With a tender smile, he turned his head to Ren and Futaba, who sat on the stools next to him. Ren’s back was turned to him as he faced Futaba, who gesticulated wildly, while she told Ren about the latest anime she was currently watching. It was quite likely that Ren didn’t understand a word of her explanation, because just like always when she got excited, she talked too fast, almost stumbling over her own words, but her surrogate older brother endured it all with a tender smile and what Goro marvelled about him was that nothing of it was false. Ren truly cared for it as long as it was important for her. He was always open minded towards everything, revealing, why he was the perfect wild card user.

Sojiro watched the scene on the other side of the counter with persistent patience like he did on every other day, when Futaba had a tantrum of excitement, but deep within his heart he was relieved to see his foster daughter happy again. Her brown eyes shone like ambers, while she gesticulated widely, imitating a fight likely two of the main characters had. Ren laughed loudly, when she sank dramatically down her stool in defeat. Sojiro threw a questioning gaze at Goro, who only shrugged. He had stopped trying to keep track of the content quite a while ago and rather enjoyed the taste of coffee. There was a storm building on the horizon after all and he needed to be prepared.

It took only a few minutes more, until the bells above the door jingled brightly. Every conversation within the café fell silent and Goro felt how he tensed his muscles in an ancient reflex of flight. Ren seemed to have sensed it, because he reached for his ungloved hand without even looking at him. Instead, his eyes wandered to the door.

“We’re here!”, Ryuji exclaimed excitedly, bordering at a shout and Goro took a deep breath. Ryuji Sakamato truly knew how to pull on his nerves. He was bold, reckless, relentless, unthoughtful, oblivious to many things and most of all he was _loud_. Goro and he were so different that it made it hard for the both of them to stand each other. On the other hand, Ryuji had very fine senses, when something was off. He had been the first, who had instinctively known that Goro was hiding something. Actually, a lot.

But Ryuji was also Ren’s best and most loyal friend with a strong sense of justice. Much more than Goro ever had. Whenever something wasn’t just in his eyes, he didn’t hesitate to call out on it. He was a fighter and a guardian. He had risked his life in Shido’s palace so that his friends had a chance to escape. If Goro was truly honest, Ryuji had a lot he wished for his own and that probably caused that tension between them.

“Hello!”, Ann greeted with a joyful voice and stroked one of her blond, voluminous pig tails over her shoulder.

“Good day, Sakura-san.”, Makoto greeted politely and bowed slightly before passing the doorstep.

“It’s so delightful to finally be back.” Yusuke turned around himself, taking in the sight and smiled tenderly, when he saw that Sayuri was still hanging in its trusted place.

“Nothing truly has changed. How lovely.”, Haru noted as she rested her hands above her heart.

“Oh, I just love this place.” Sumire’s eyes shone as she walked in last and carefully closed the door.

“Seems like the Phantom Thieves are finally back together.”, Ren said with a warm smile as he stood up and walked into the view of his friends.

“Ren!” The moment the group saw their former leader nothing was holding them back anymore. They all stormed towards him, surrounding him and went on to him with lively voices, while Futaba jumped up and down, Yusuke tried to frame the moment and Ryuji ruffled through Ren’s black hair, which rimmed a sword into Goro’s heart and he felt the bitter acid of jealousy in his mouth, which he tried to swallow. He knew it was wrong to feel that way and to want to have Ren all for himself, but breaking a habit was hard. His fingers clenched into his palm, leaving prints of a crescent moon behind.

In this moment, he felt lonelier than he ever had in his life. While Ren was showered with love, it felt like he was drowning in darkness once again, a thorough, black mud infiltrating his mouth. They hadn’t even noticed him. He wasn’t important. For them, he was nothing and gladly could disappear from their cognition again. At least that was, what his distortion whispered to him. They would only care for him because of Ren and his only chance for friendship would always be tied to a condition.

“Is everything okay?”, Morgana asked, who had come into the café together with Futaba and had snoozed on the counter with his tail dangling over the edge for quite a while. But now, he stretched and toddled towards him with a soft expression in his blue eyes.

“Not really.”, Goro whispered with a sigh and being honest relieved a bit of jealousy’s acid. “I know it’s wrong, but the selfish part of me wants Ren all for himself.”

A deep, resigned sigh escaped him.

“I truly am not a good person.” He shook his head and starred into the deep, brown sea of his coffee.

“You are.”, Morgana said comfortingly as he began to lick his paw. “At the bottom of your heart.”

Surprised, with blown wide eyes, Goro looked at the cat, who casually groomed himself as if he had sad the most natural thing, but his bright blue eyes stayed thoughtfully on him.

“I wish I could believe that, but there is so much darkness inside of me.”

“And only a good person would say such a thing. You are aware of your weaknesses and therefore can work to overcome them. Despite that you have Ren and the rest of us to help you.”

Morgana believed that. His voice showed and eyes showed, but one glance over his shoulder and the sight of the loving, happy group of friends made him doubt it. They were so close that Goro couldn’t believe that there was a place for him. A pace for him and not his role as Ren’s boyfriend. They had been sceptical about him beforehand, but with his exposure as the culprit, he might have lost any chance forever.

To Goro’s surprise, though, it was Ryuji, who looked at Goro with a crystal-clear gaze. A gaze, which pierced through him and shattered every fragile disguise Goro might have tried to keep up. But Goro hadn’t, because he knew it was now time for sincerity. To all of them. Even though they might not accept him, even though they might reject him, that much he owed to them.

When Ryuji noticed that it was truly Goro sitting on the stool- not Crow or the ace detective-, his face became softer and slowly dissolved from the coil of humans.

“It’s…uhm…” Ryuji paused for a moment in search for words to express this strange feeling the air and inside their hearts. “It’s good to see you’re alive, Akechi.”

There was no trace of the despise, anger or snarl in his voice like it had used to. It was honest and there was a compassionate sadness resting in his eyes, a gaze telling that he knew that he had suffered in so many ways.

“Thank you…Sakamoto-kun.” Goro smiled hesitantly and the new Goro appeared to surprise Ryuji. He blinked several times, before scratching the back of his head.

“C’mon. Call me Ryuji, will ya?” Uneasy, he kicked an imaginary stone, but then looked back up. “We’re friends, now and I’m just glad that you’re…well, you know, not dead.”

It was hard for Goro to believe it, but if Ryuji saw it that way, it must be true, because he wasn’t a liar and also the member of the Phantom Thieves, which had despised him the most. Therefore, Goro decided to accept the offer despite the loud doubts echoing in his mind and nodded.

“Okay.” And he smiled. Still cautiously, but honestly.

This was the moment in which the other Phantom Thieves awakened and suddenly all eyes were on him. It was noting Goro wasn’t used to, but the gazes of these few young adults were much more intense than the thousands of the public he had carried for so long.

Ren turned around with a warm smile and held out his hand. He had waited, because he had wanted for his friends to approach him on their own. Otherwise it would have felt like shoving him into their faces and given the tension their common past had caused it could have destroyed everything. Goro hesitated for a moment, not sure if he was allowed to enter this world, but he longed to. He took a deep breath and then took the offered invitation, which he had refused for such a long time. While he slowly walked into their sphere, he looked into the other member’s faced and all he could find was a deep sadness, which chocked him, because he wasn’t sure, if it was for him or if it was for the things he had done.

It was a fragile moment in which Goro was in between and had to be brave. He had to give everything without knowing, if his attempt would be successful. That was the price he had to pay for a glimpse of hope. Those were the rules of the destiny he had created in his scorn and hatred. If he hadn’t been that blinded, he wouldn’t need to be so afraid now.

Ren proved to be his anchor once again. Tenderly, he pulled him close and rested his nose into Goro’s brown hair, leaving no room for misunderstanding of what their relation was. The strong bond between the two sides of a coin had flourished in obscurity, hidden to the other’s eyes. Sumire gasped quietly in surprise and ducked her head away with a blush, because she had experienced fewest of it. She hadn’t experienced, how Ren had defended Goro no matter how pissed the other members had been, how calm he had always stayed no matter which dangerous dimensions Goro’s plan had been revealed- especially for him.

Even though Goro himself felt a little overwhelmed and almost shy in this situation, Ren’s calmness reached out to him, suffocated the anxiety in his guts and he couldn’t help but smile softly and honestly, while he touched their foreheads together and laced their hands. It was that moment, when the tension in the café disappeared and the faces of the other’s became softer, but no one of them spoke, because a lot their questions had to deal with Maruki’s reality and Sojiro had no idea of it at all.

Sojiro looked between the group of teenagers, who had saved and changed the world for good- even one time more than he knew- with a gaze full of pride and warm-heartedness. This little bunch of misfits had grown to him and it relieved his once sorrowful heart to see them reunite again, to see that no matter how much they had to suffer, it hadn’t brought them to their knees and in the remained, what was important: _friends_.

Still, he sensed the flicker of uncomfortableness swirling in the depth of the group. Over the times they had hidden their secret second life as Phantom Thieves from him, he had become quite sensitive to it.

“Well, I rather let you guys reunite properly. Ren, just feel like home. The attic still is like you left it, if you want to move up there.”

“Thank you, Sojiro. I’ll come around soon again so that we can talk more thoroughly.” Ren smiled gratefully and Sojiro nodded. He took his jacket and his hat, before he wished the group a good-bye and left into the calm streets of Yongen-Jaya. As soon as the door fell close, Goro felt all of the gazes on him, piercing through him and itching on his skin. Helplessly, Goro looked between the group and Ren, because he didn’t know what to do, now. Anxiously, Goro clenched his left hand into the right sleeve of his shirt, barely suppressing the urge of scratching himself. Now, that he couldn’t rely on his faked charm anymore, Goro didn’t know what was left.

They gathered around Goro, but they didn’t talk vividly to him like they had with Ren. Instead of storming him with questions, they only starred at him cautiously and yet curiously, 7 pairs of eyes waiting for him to speak, but he didn’t know, what he could say. What kind of words would be appropriated for a situation like this?

When Ren squeezed his hand gently and reassuringly, Goro decided with a deep exhale to speak from his heart again. It was the only way to find his spot in this mesh of persons and only if they feel that he was honest, there might be a chance for them to overcome the past and start anew.

“I don’t know exactly what to say.”, he began slowly, while resting his ungloved hands onto his heart and he didn’t dare to look at the group, who waited for him to continue. “I know there is so much I should and yet there is nothing, which is appropriated for what I’ve done to you.”

He casted his eyes down in sadness as he slowly revealed himself to people, who potentially hated him and had every right to. It was a fragile state, but Goro wanted to endure it. He took a deep breath, braced himself and then looked up with sincerity glistening in his amber eyes.

“But I want you to know I’m truly sorry. I hope you can believe it one day.” His voice shivered from his guilt. Awkward silence filled the café. Ryuji looked uneasy down on his feet, Haru had an unreadable expression in her brown eyes. Goro turned to her, his hands shivering. “Especially you, Okumura-san. I’m sorry what did to your father and you in my seek for revenge.”

“I…I…” Haru’s soft voice broke of and she looked down, a hand of her clenching into a fist. “I don’t know what to say?”

“And what is with Futaba? You killed her mother, too, right?” There was no reproach in Makoto’s voice, but distance shone in her eyes. She crossed her arms in front of her chest. Goro scraped over his bottom lips, but to his surprise, Futaba spoke:

“He apologized to me before you all arrived.”

“Are you able to forgive him?”, Haru asked her and Goro’s heart beat fast underneath his fingertips, while he waited. Futaba hesitated for a few moments, which felt like a life time to him and shuffled on her feet. Then, she rose her eyes and met Goro’s and he felt like she looked to the depth of his soul.

“I don’t know, but I believe that he is sorry.”, she then said and turned to the group. “He sacrificed himself for us after all.”

“How were you even able to survive?” Now, Yusuke turned his blue eyes to him, a deep expression of thoughtfulness hazing them, which came quite close to melancholy. “We heard the shot and Futaba lost your signal.”

Goro sighed and turned around to quickly take a sip from his cold coffee.

“I’m going to tell you.”, he assured to the group and waved his hand in a wide gesture to indicate they should take a seat. “That’s the least I can do to prove my good will. I’m going to be honest with you. For the first time. I’m going to tell you _everything_.”

Goro turned to Ren with an uneasy expression, who nodded encouragingly and smiled.

“Do it, Goro.”, he whispered and moved next to him, placing a kiss against his temple. “They’re going to understand you better, if you open up. I know trusting people is the hardest task for you, but it’s the only way to make it better this time.”

“I know.” Goro nodded. “It’s just not easy.”

Ren nodded, because he knew and touched their foreheads together to provide him a bit of strength and calmness. Goro closed his eyes and took a deep breath, taking as much as he could in.

Then he dissolved and sat down on one of those stools he had so often sat on and were he had felt at ease, while the rest searched for a place in the booths. Ryuji, Ann, Yusuke and Makoto in one, Futaba, Haru and Sumire in the other.

“I was indeed shot by Shido’s cognitive…” Goro began with an absent voice. “…but he slightly missed my heart. So, it wasn’t fatale, but I was unconscious. He thought I was dead or would be soon anyway, so he left me there bleeding on the floor.”

“Akechi-kun!”, Ann gasped, but Akechi shook his head and rested his hand onto his chest, where the scar of the wound distorted his skin.

“When I regained conscious, I was still where I was left. I was able to gain some of the shadow’s attention and to convince them I was the other one. They brought me to safer area and I was able to drag myself into a safety room. I braced myself against the table, while I felt how life was leaving me. I thought I was going to die there and it felt so bitter. I knew my revenge plan was dangerous and I didn’t expect to live long, but here I was. At the end and I had achieved nothing. Neither had I been able to avenge what was done to me, nor to see that you were truly kind. As I looked up to the ceiling, I thought about everything. What it brought me in the end and what it cost me. You reached out your hands to me even though you knew, who I was and I turned it down because I believed it to be another trick, a strategy.”

“Akechi…”, Makoto whispered sadly.

“I asked myself, if my plan and actions had truly been the right thing to do.” Goro shook his head. “And I came to the conclusion that I had enjoyed the time with you. That I liked you and I thought how pathetic I was to throw it all away in my wish to make my father pay.”

His face became grim, his jaw muscles clenching until they were tensed and a hard expression made his eyes appear like they were made out of copper. It was deathly quiet in Le Blanc, so quiet you could hear a pin drop. It was hard for Goro to tell all this, although the hardest part still laid off ahead. He truly had no idea how to put into words in order to make them understand why he had behaved like he had and the more he thought about it, the more he realized that the reason was because there weren’t any. There simply was no justification for it and they knew. They al had been at quite same point as him, but they had all decided to take the right path. Goro sighed and clenched his hands together in his lap.

“How were you able to escape? We almost didn’t make it.” In this moment all eyes hung on Ryuji with a pained expression. Goro nodded in understanding. Ren had told him, how Ryuji almost lost his life in order to save them.

“To be honest, I don’t know. I fell unconscious again in the safe room and the next time I woke up I was in hospital. A nurse told me that I was found in a sideway alley of the parliament house.”

“But why did Maruki say that you were dead?”, Sumire asked confused, but then she widened her eyes and gasped. “Oh, do you even remember what happened in his reality, Akechi-kun?”

“I do.” He nodded and then rested his hand on his chin in his typical thinking pose and looked highly concentrated onto the floor. “I can only assume, why he said that, but if I recall correctly, he created that reality on Christmas Eve after you defeated Yaldabaoth, correct?”

“Yes. One day after we stole Shido’s heart.”, Makoto explained and Goro nodded again.

“Well, I guess he said that, because the moment he created it, I was dead.”

“What?” A gasp and murmur filled the air.

“But you obviously survived.”, Ryuji said.

“That’s true, but I died twice during surgery. That’s what they told me.” Goro turned around in his stool and looked at Ren, who hadn’t known about that either. Goro hadn’t wanted to make him even sadder than he already was and he wasn’t able to tell which emotion he saw in Ren’s deep eyes, but he couldn’t withstand it. He turned back around and stroked a bit of his hair behind his ears.

“Was any of it real?”, Ann asked. “In Maruki’s reality, I mean.”

“Yes and no.” Helplessly, he waved with his hands. “In the real world, I was honest. The fury of the metaverse was a lie.”

“In which regard was that a lie?” Makoto frowned in confusion.

“I knew quite early that I was supposed to be dead and it pained me. More than I wanted to admit. I didn’t want you to be kind to me like you were in the engine room. I…couldn’t endure it to experience it for the first time, when I was going to die soon again.” Goro turned to Ren again and laced his hand with Ren. “Only Ren saw right through him.”

“You can’t hide anything from your other half.”, Ren said calmly and rubbed the back of his hand.

“Oh, c’mon. That’s a bit cheesy don’t ya think?”, Ryuji insisted with a slight blush on his cheeks.

“No, Ryuji. That’s not metaphorically spoken. We are the two sides of the same coin.”

“How do you mean that?” Ann tilted her head, confusion glistening in her eyes.

“You remember Igor?” As always Ren was calm, his dark eyes gliding thoughtfully through the room, starring into the distance like he often had, when he had entered the Velvet Room.

“Lavenza’s boss with that long nose? Sure.”, Ryuji answered. “But what does he have to do with it?”

“That’s were it gets a bit complicated to summarize it, but I will try.” Ren’s glasses flashed from the light of the lamp and he pushed it back up his nose. “I’ve been to the Velvet Room before we were wiped from public’s cognition.”

“That’s were you got your new Personas, right?”, Makoto concluded and Ren smiled.

“Wait, what?” Ann turned her head to her and blinked.

“It’s the only natural conclusion. Ren often starred absently into nothingness, when we were at the entrance of a palace or Momentos and when he came back, he wielded Personas he hadn’t gained a mask of.”

“I wouldn’t have expected anything less from you, _Queen_.” Ren’s smirk became smugger by the use of the codename, which had lost its meaning, but still suited her. Makoto smiled happily, utterly content about her deduction. “That’s true.”

“But I still don’t quite understand what that has to do with your earlier remark.”, Yusuke mused, resting his head on his folded hands.

“I’ll get to that.”, their former leader assured, then he staid silent for a while as he tried to figure out how to explain, what had happened. “Igor and Yaldabaoth had a dispute about humanities potential. Igor believed in us, while Yaldabaoth believed we need to be restricted.”

“That son of a bitch.”, Ryuji whispered angrily underneath his breath and kicked against the table leg, causing Ren to chuckle. Goro had stayed silent during Ren’s explanation, because he still had his own problems to wrap his head around it, when Ren had told him about it in the wash saloon.

“They got into the fight and Yaldabaoth wanted to conquer the Velvet Room. Igor had only been able to create Morgana as the guide for the wildcard user of light, before he was imprisoned and Lavenza divided into Caroline and Justine.”

“Wild card user of light?” Yusuke frowned, but it obvious the title spoke to the artistry part of him.

“Wait!” Futaba jumped onto the bench of the booth and waved wildly. “Do you want to say they made a battle and each of them chose a fighter and you were the one of Igor?”

Ren nodded and Futaba’s eyes blew wide. She swirled around and starred at Goro, who looked stubbornly at his hands.

“So that means…” Her voice became heavier and now, it dawned to the rest.

“You were Yaldabaoth’s.”, Makoto finished Futaba’s assumption and the shock clashed like lighting into the room, when Goro nodded.

“Ren and I were set up against each other ever since we were born. He is the light and I am the darkness.”

“As the token of darkness Goro has never experienced anything good in life or of humanity, because for Yaldabaoth’s game, he needed to be the perfection of hatred.”, Ren explained and it still depressed Goro to know that he only had endure all of it, because one God wanted to make a point. Comfortingly, Ren rested a hand onto Goro’s and squeezed it, which caused him to smile slightly as he looked up into those warm eyes. But now, his role was fulfilled. The competition was decided. The light had won. Maybe, now he could experience a bit of it and to learn how to become a person of twilight at least.

The tension coming from Ren’s friends was almost unbearable and Goro knew that this was the point of no return. As if Ren had sensed it, he slid of his stool and stood next to him, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. Goro looked up with a sad, tired gaze, but was relieved, when Ren rested his head against him.

“It’s going to be fine.”, he whispered warmly into his hair, before kissing into it. “I’m with you.”

Goro nodded bovinely and pressed his head closer to him, searching for the feelings that Ren met him with, because it felt like the only anchor in the raging sea of his past. He took a deep breath and tried to suppress the shivers of disgust, which crept up is spine.

“As you know, I was the bastard of Masayoshi Shido.” Goro still hated to speak out the name, which filled his stomach with a sea of acid. Sumire gasped, because she didn’t of course, but Goro didn’t have the energy to start at the very beginning. He had never told all of his past at once, only the small bits and pieces he had given Ren and now, putting everything into words was painful as if each was a shard of glass. “I was unwanted ever since I was born, a potential threat to his political career. I can’t even recall how many times he had sent his henchman to intimidate us- the same he had sent to you, Futaba, I guess- while he also discredited my mother’s trustworthiness. Therefore, she had no other choice then to sell herself in order to gain money.”

“She was a prostitute?”, it slipped Ann, but then immediately flinched in regret as she realized them, especially when Goro nodded resigned. She hissed angrily and bit her bottom lip, her blue eyes becoming a dark, deep ocean as she remembered her own experiences with Kamoshida and her fingernails buried in to her palm.

“After I heard the circumstances which led to Ren’s verdict, I came to the assumption that Shido likely raped her.” It was almost scaring how calmly and numbly Goro was talking about such a horrible thing, but life had hardened him. He only rested his hand above his mouth, his thumb brushing against the tip of his nose, while he starred thoughtfully onto the wall, while the rest tensed up and the girls gasped in shock, while Yusuke and Ryuji widened their eyes in terror. Only Morgana and Ren stayed calm like always, because they likely had had the same kind of thoughts. Then, Goro rose his head again, blinked once and the haze of thoughts scattered from his eyes, while he shrugged. “Well, it’s not like I can verify that anymore.”

Ann, Haru and Makoto exchanged an uneasy gaze about Akechi’s reaction, but on the other hand they slowly began to get an idea what kind of hell his life had been and how he had to become like that in order to survive it. Most of them had an idea, what Goro meant with the last sentence, but none of them said a word. They all sat there, dealing with the pieces of his past which were revealed to them in different ways.

“My mother blamed me for whatever lead to my conception. She had beautiful brown eyes, but whenever she looked at me, they were dark from hatred.” An old sadness swung resonated inside his voice and the little bit remaining of his once confident posture slumped as he remembered the days, when noting but coldness had ruled the placed, which had been supposed to be his home.

“That’s horrible.”, Haru exclaimed and she had paled from the shock, but Goro didn’t notice. He was caught in the bad horror movie, which had been his childhood.

“Strangely, I didn’t find it too horrible. I thought this was supposed to be normal and yet, it hurt whenever she yelled at me and condemned my birth, telling me that I ruined everything.”

“Akechi…” Yusuke looked at him with sad eyes. He knew the pain of loosing your parents, but even him could hardly imagine, when your only parent hated you.

A dark cloud of realization gathered underneath the ceiling of the room and a feeling of understanding on the floor.

“On my tenth Birthday, I woke up from something wet dripping down onto my face. I thought the roof was leaking, but when I opened my eyes, I saw her dangling from the ceiling, starring down at me with dull, empty eyes. She couldn’t endure the pressure anymore, I suppose.” Goro was surprised about how devasted and broken he sounded about it and he hated the feeling of the hot burning tears collecting in his eyes because of the memories. Harshly, he wiped them away, but he didn’t look at the group, who might become his only true bonds in this world. He couldn’t quite read, what kind of emotions were quivering in the air, but he was sure one of it was pity and he still couldn’t stand. He hated the comforting warmth which rested within it and it felt like it was burning his skin.

He looked to Ren briefly for reassurement, but this time, there was no calmness in the onyxes anymore. They quivered from sadness and pain just as much as his hand on his shoulder. Goro should have known better. He hadn’t told Ren that part yet and therefore, he lowered his eyes in guilt quickly.

“Then men came again and dragged me out of the apartment. Afterwards I was tossed from foster family to foster family, but I was nothing but money for them. I was abused, beaten, molested, sometimes did barely get something to eat.” He blinked and continued quickly, before the others said anything he didn’t want to hear. “I know that none of this an apology for what I’ve done. All of you were in similar situation, but I hope it might make you understand a little and makes you believe me that I try my best to learn from my mistake.”

“Akechi…”, Haru whispered sadly into the uneasy silence, which had settled into the room once again.

“Well, that’s the story of my life.” Goro sighed deeply and ruffled through his hair. He felt exhausted and yet kind of relieved that it was finally out, that he had shared it with someone.

“Lemme get this straight. You had to endure all of this, because some Gods wanted to settle who of them is right?” Ryuji looked between Ren and Goro and when they nodded, he slammed his fist onto the table plate that it shook and he winced as pain shot through him. “Those bastards!”

Disgruntledly, he crossed him arms in front of his chest and threw himself into the lean of the both. An action, which made him a little more sympathetic in Goro’s eyes.

Soon, one after another stood up and welcomed Goro into their group, expressing their compassion and with revealing his past the ice of reservation broke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew, that was a hard one. His past turned out even worse than I expected, but it makes sense in my mind.
> 
> I hope you still enjoyed it. Please share your thoughts! 
> 
> Kudos and comments are always welcomed ^-^
> 
> Good-bye, Subaru

**Author's Note:**

> I still don't know exactly, where this story is going to head to, but I hope it gave you a little bit of joy =) I just love domestic life =)
> 
> Thank you for reading. If you liked it, I truly would enjoy a comment or a kudo! :)
> 
> Have a nice day =)
> 
> Subaru


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